My Brothers Keeper

Hey Gays,

FOOD IS AN ISSUE IN MY LIFE! There, I've said it! Its been an issue for a long time for my whole family.

Unfortunately its taken a horrible turn for my youngest brother Mike. He was just admitted into a program for Anorexia this week. He is 5'11 and weights 104 pounds. I guess what he is dealing with is more bulimia, he takes laxatives on a daily basis but he eats. It's gotten to the point now where he lives in constant pain and is dizzy, low blood pressure, etc. etc. this list goes on and on. He also has Celiac like myself so that has added to his whole issue with food.

There is a long back story on Mike's problems including heroin addiction and jail time but I'm not going to go into all of that.


He says the root of his problem came at the hands of a bunch of classmates that would bully him about his weight. He was a little chunky when he was in grade school but not obese. Kids can be cruel and I know that because of my gayness and lifetime of not fitting in. We also have a lot of unresolved family issues that are another root cause of all of our turmoil.

At the center of this turmoil is my mother. If I sat down and did an org chart of my family pertaining to root causes of Turmoil in my family my mother would be the CEO. Don't get me wrong, not because she is an evil or horrible person because she encourages everyone to keep secrets and deny life's pain until it all blows up in someones face. She's led an extremely chaotic and stressful life. It's almost as if she can't just relax and let herself go with her life. She feels as if she has to keep on top of everyones issues to create chaos. It's maddening!!

We all as her children have been victims of her chaos and in turn have all lived somewhat chaotic lives ourselves at one point or another.

When I was 21 I moved away for a year to South Carolina and taught myself to unload the pain and anger I had towards my parents while sunning myself on the beach everyday, I got very thin down there and I chalk that up to water loss from crying so much alone on the beach, just to clarify my father is the Darth Vadar of the family org chart and he has a lot to answer for but I'll leave that up to his after death experience because he doesn't talk on earth...LOL.

Anyway it dawned on me last night! I've talked to Mike about his issues before but always trying to be uplifting and encouraging but I think what I should have said was he needs to let go of the pain, its a simple idea but a hard thing to do. In a way it is like having a death and rebirth. I do remember the exact moment when I let go of my pain on the beach, not that I haven't had more pain or setbacks but it was the time when I said I can't let this control my life any longer and I have to focus on myself and my happiness. It was a good day!

I wonder if I said that to him he would understand? I'm not sure?

I'm at a loss on how to help him but maybe saying this will have an impact. I know one thing is he has to do this himself or he will die. Life is so cruel in these instances, where do you get the strength? I'm not sure if I remember how I did it, I just know I did and I overcame it on my own....


I'm putting a picture up of myself, my brother David and Mike. It is obvious which one is Mike because David and I don't miss a meal...Now that was me trying to joke about a horrible situation, that's how in the end I guess I cope.



XO, BT