The bashing

Hey gays,

Last night I had a dream about an event that happened in 1990.....Very strange...

The dream was more about why I never said or did anything about it? It was the type of dream that would make me wake up terrified and then start again when I fell back to sleep. The dream isn't worth writing about but I guess the reason for it is worth telling...

Also, I went to see "Revolutionary Road" today and what a downer of a movie that was, crazy but a true...the character of April said one line I keep thinking about "Who made up all these rules anyway". It made me think who made up the rule that made it seem ok to attack someone for no reason.

To the true story.

I was 20 I guess or maybe I just turned 21. I always get confused because it took me 5 years to get my degree because of all the crap I went through with my first boyfriend Bill. I probably had just finished my third year of school and i had met this guy Jim out at the bars. He was a nurse and a nice enough guy, at this time my best friend Mike took a job working 3rd shift so he wasn't always available to go out etc. I tried to make a couple more friends to go out with because i hated going out alone. I remember that Mike told me he didn't like Jim because he was a loud mouth or the type to get in trouble. i never saw any of the behavior so I just blew that off and continued to hang out with him when Mike wasn't around.

I remember the day vividly because I worked the breakfast/lunch shift at the Sheraton hotel restaurant where I was a waiter and I cut myself that day, pretty bad when i was cutting lemons so that added to the pain but being a waiter you learn to take care of it yourself and throw a band aid on it though i think i needed stitches...anyway... It was a Friday and I had Saturday off and Jim had stopped by my work around 1pm and asked me if I wanted to go to Boston, he wanted to go to the "ramrod". I was like..a leather bar...I think i initially said no but he said I'll drive so you can just relax. I then said ok, I'll go as long as we go to another bar too so we wouldn't have to be at Ramrod all night. He agreed and said he'd pick me up at 9.

There wasn't much to the evening, we went to "Ramrod" and they were having a country western night and it was really boring. I remember saying lets go to this other place which was a video bar at the time, I can't remember the name but it was a small place that played video's and porn, etc. i chatted up a guy there and he asked me to go home with him but i declined because i was with Jim, etc. I remember the guy even offered to pay for my train ride back the next day but for some reason i declined and didn't want to make Jim drive home alone. I then remember realizing he wasn't there so i told the guy i had to find him so I looked over the whole bar and he was no where to be found so i walked outside to see if he had gone to the car, it was parked down the street and when I took the left and went by an alley I saw him blowing some guy right out in the open, though it was an alley way behind the club it was pretty well lit and you could see him plain as day..I just turned around and went back inside. The thing was I noticed a red truck, like a GMC 4 seater, pre svu and they had Slowed down and obviously saw what Jim was doing but they kept driving.

He came back in and wanted to leave so we headed back to the car and I saw the truck again driving slowly by us but again didn't think anything of it. We got back into the car and started driving down mass ave, a long road in boston with lots of stop lights, it was the quickest way back to the highway.

Of course Jim was telling me about the guy and how huge his cock was and all that. I lit up a cigarette and rolled down the window and we stopped at a light and I looked to my right and the red truck pulled up next to us and the guy driving waved and smiled. I quickly rolled up the window and told Jim I thought these guys were following us. He said he didn't notice but then looked over and gave the guy the finger and slammed on the gas. Jim took it more as they were hitting on us, then we got on the highway and i didn't see them after we were on route 93.

Boston is about 40 minutes from providence and we were well on our way back but with all of the nonsense that happened when we were leaving i didn't take a piss or anything and I was drinking beer so I was busting at the seams when we were in about in Attleboro area so I had Jim pull off into this weigh station so i could go. I remember him being like can't you wait but I insisted. I got out of the car and so did he. I just slipped by zipper down and was pissing when i heard a car screech up and i turned and it was the red truck.

I remember zipping up my pants and then heard the word "faggot" and a fist blindsiding me. I'd never been hit before and everything moved in slow motion. I remember seeing out the corner of my eye that a guy was also going after Jim but Jim was running. I remember another guy pulling my head back and punching me again and I fell to the ground, then being dragged back towards Jims car , then i think the other guy started pounding my face into Jim's car.

I know all I said was what the fuck over and over again. The next thing I heard was "lets get the fuck outta here" and they left. I was face down in the dirt in front of his car. I remember Jim lifting me up and throwing me in the car kind of screaming and carrying on. he looked at me and said i gotta get you to the hospital, i looked down and my white t-shirt was covered in blood from top to bottom. It is a weird feeling to be beat up, it was like being in a dream state or something. Then i remember looking at Jim and he was fine, not a scratch. I thought it was so weird.

He kept saying lets go to the hospital but i said no, take me home, take me home, take me home. He did and walked up the stairs and sat me in the bathroom and got a whole bunch of towels and peroxide and starting washing off my face, he was a nurse so in a way i was lucky, he kept saying you need stitches and that i had little pebbles lodged in my fore head. I guess I was in shock because I just didn't want to go to the hospital. In the end he said that the cuts were really small and there was just a lot of blood because it was my forehead, i guess you bleed a lot out of your head area..etc.

I never once even thought of going to the police or tell anyone other than friends what had happened. I guess i felt stupid for not realizing what was going on. I was oblivious to the fact that these guys were looking to hurt us. I've always felt lucky in a way because they could have killed me, the stop off was far enough off the road that no one would have seen unless someone else stopped.

My friend Mike , the ever suspicious one, said he thought the whole thing was planned by Jim because he never got hurt but honestly he had time to react, I was closer to the car and he went a bit down the embankment and saw what was coming. I had no time to react.

I did eventually go to the hospital two days later because my face got so swollen and my jaw would barely open. I told them that I had been mugged in downtown providence. I had an x-ray and my Jaw wasn't broken and they said they'd have to cut open the cuts to give me stitches because they already started to heal. I said no way...

I still have no idea why I never went to the police. I guess I felt that I had no description, I just remember the guy had on a plaid shirt and had brown hair, nothing else other than a red GMC truck. Jim said he couldn't describe them either. I didn't think they'd find them. It however took me a long time to go back to Boston and if I did it was with a group.

It's true I was gay bashed and never really admitted it to myself. Even though I've written this I still look at it like it was someone else. Its true what they say about traumatic events, your mind blocks the terror out of it sometimes...strange.

XO, BT