Visions

Hey gays,


Since I was a kid I've had the ability to sense things. It started out as very strong deja vu. I know many people have the sense they've been somewhere before but mine was much stronger. It was more than a feeling, it was more like I knew I had been there. I remember many times when I'd be standing somewhere looking around and my mother being annoyed, it usually was a park or water area's. Often I would lay down and look up into the sky and try to imagine what it was like before and even a few times it always came to thinking about Indians. I spent a lot of time in the woods when I was young, it felt very safe to me...

Over the years things have not changed, there were times when the visions went dim but most anywhere I have been, lived have always conjured up feelings of spirits. My freshman year of College I would see a woman walking the halls that no one else would confirm seeing, the dorm was a converted catholic school, the woman wore a black robe so I figured she was a nun, though some people talked about hearing a woman moaning at night, they couldn't see her.

Years later when I lived in Pawtucket, RI I would see a woman standing over my bed, she actually scratched me, after explaining to my roommate he told me that a woman had been murdered in the house in the 1950's. She was not pleasant at all, she scared the shit out of me. The room I had there also collected massive amounts of dust, she really didn't like me there..spooky

In New York I would see a woman sitting at out computer desk and in the laundry room in the basement. One time she came right up behind me, I could feel her almost breathing. She was very lonely, she was longing to be part of something, this was the first time I felt as if i could say something and she'd respond but I wasn't sure how to go about it...


When Jeff's grandmother died she came to visit us one night. That was the first time I actually felt the presence and when I closed my eyes, I could see her sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. she changed the temperature in the room. This was also the first time I couldn't control the feeling, I sobbed and even my body ached for a few minutes. I felt she was trying to talk to me but I couldn't hear her. i did find out that the vision when i close my eyes is referred to as a third eye by psychics, mediums, etc. This was the first time I felt that I could communicate, meaning that Isabel had come to me first or tried to use me to communicate. I'd never had that feeling before, crossing boundaries.


Then last night after I got into bed Miss Binks visited. Jeff was in the other room. It happened about 5 minutes after i got into bed. I was laying on My right side and the hair on the back of my neck and arms got rigid and I turned over and up a bit over my head across the bed was an ill formed mass, a little milky with little sparkles that faded in and out, I leaned over and put my glasses on and it then moved over to the chair we have next to the bed, slid down next to the bed, I reached out across the bed and touched it and it then flattened out, almost like it was walking across the bed and it settled right on her blanket and stayed there for a few seconds.

I asked if it was kiawah and when I closed my eyes I could see the sparkles a million times brighter, like fireworks almost, I knew it was her and again I just started crying, it then went back up hovering over the bed. I got up to tell Jeff and he came in. I could tell she was still there but the energy had faded a bit but Jeff said he could see it a little. Also during the night twice I went to move my leg and it felt as if she was there on her blanket, Jeff said he also felt as if she was brushing up against his leg. This experience was light and fluffy, airy and delightful.

For the first time in my life I feel I need to learn about these experiences I have and how to communicate with them. i know the third eye is unique from what I have read so far and is the gateway to communication.Its something that people usually have to tap into but it just occurs for me so now I have to figure out how to use it. I don't know if I'm psychic, I've never predicted anything or read any one's mind. I know I'm not interested in that really, I'm more interested in communicating with people....

I was really excited about Kiawah last night, i feel much better today after her visit...I hope she comes back soon..the energy was so positive and fun.

XO, BT

Kiawah in my Dreams

Hey gays,

The past few months have been tough... Our dog Kiawah has been battling mouth cancer and on Wednesday she passed away. I never thought I could love a being this much and she gave so much back to everyone. Kiawah touched everyone we knew, she was a special friend to both our grandmothers in their later years, she visited nursing homes, she especially was fond of the homeless, she was always drawn to people that needed help or love.

Kiawah was pure of heart, she was a bit odd as dogs go with food, she loved veggies, Carrots, pea's, green beans, sweet potato's and she couldn't resist a tortilla chip. She gave us more laughs than any human ever could, she had her own special comic timing. I miss her so much, I ache with grief at the moment. Leaving the vets office, even though her passing was peaceful, was a tragic and empty feeling for us but I know we'll feel better when we get her ashes back, she'll come full circle back to us, I know it!!


Kiawah in my Dreams
For Miss Binks

Will you come see me?
Kiawah, in my dreams
Holding you in two hands
A puff ball of fur it seems

Will you come see me?
Kiawah, in my dreams
Tugging ropes, playing, at my heart
Not far I know but we’re apart

Will you come see me?
Kiawah in my dreams
Look to the window, dancing squirrels
Cooking, bathing I’m missing, you’re free

Will you come see me?
Kiawah in my dreams
I’m waiting, drifting asleep
Can’t hold back my tears it seems

Are you flying with your birds tonight?
Gentle Breezes across my face, seems right
Will you come see me?
Kiawah in my dreams

A puff ball of fur it seems
Paw, high five, dance Kiawah dance
Carrot treats for you always, Will you come see me?
Tricks again, give me a chance

A puff ball of fur I know
Much more, my friend, my pal
I’m waiting, drifting asleep
Will you come see me?

A puff ball of fur I Know
Bounding endless energy, you’re free
I know you’ll come see me, drifting asleep
Kiawah in my dreams

Death in the Summer

Gey gays,

What the hell is going on...Lots of people are dropping dead in 2009 and so many in just the past few weeks. I can't remember a time when so many celebs having signed out in such a short span.

First there was

Estelle Getty, then Bea Arthur, the sideman Ed Mcmhan ,poor Farrah Fawcett, the king of pop MJ, the fabulous Karl malden, well I mean he was a good actor, the loud mouth sales guy Billy mays and now I just read the fabulous British actress Molly Sugden too. Its very sad.

Though Malden was 97, wow what a great run..and I guess Ed, Bea, Estelle and Molly also lived well into their 80's. MJ and Farrah were too young by today standards.

Its been a rough summer, maybe thats why all the rain....

Its all very confusing!!

XO, BT

I need, I don't want

Hey gays,

I'm wowed by things sometimes but lately I'm just not having it.

I think our dog Kiawah's illness has flung me into a depression. I'm trying to be positive but the thought of not having her around scares me, things won't be the same without her, having her energy in the house has aways been comforting.

There have been many times when I thought she was a pain in the butt and complained about her, she could be very pesky at times but most of the time she is a very good dog.

The funny thing is she seems to have a zest for life i'm lacking at the moment, i'm performing, but I don't want to, i'm eating but i need to stop, i'm drinking and i need to drink less...

She has a cancer in the worst possible place, her mouth, but she still seems to want to carry on forever and I so wish we could have her always.....

I'll have to soak in some of her zest tonight because I have to glitter up my starfish for Coney Island...LOL...

Zest me up Kiawah!!

XO, BT

Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be Gay

Because of the way we treat each other. Well the way I get treated

Hey gays,

I can't hold my tongue any longer!!

Recently against my better judgment I decided to submit my work to a gay themed festival and Pride stage in NYC.

I have never heard back from either one of them? it is not in their literature that they only respond to those chosen. What the fuck is wrong with these people i.e. gays. I have submitted to other festivals and always get a response back either way. It's only fair, don't you think? if you take the time to send a package in and have it reviewed and scrutinized on whether its worthy or not then you at least deserve the courtesy of an answer. Somehow in the art/theatre/gay capital of the world NYC some of these organizations don't feel the need.

It's 100% perfectly fine not to get chosen but it really pisses me the fuck off not to get a reply.

I've been told before that festivals are about who you know, and I know that's true in most cases but that does not excuse the total lack of courtesy.

I'm gay and I'm not homophobic but some of these fucking fags need to take their balls out of their purse and do the job they are supposed to do.

If I were in charge of choosing acts or plays etc. especially for a gay themed event i would go out of my way to respond to everyone because its the right thing to do...

People who know me know that I try my best to be nice and work well with others but enough is fucking enough with these assholes.

I will never apply to another festival. There are plenty of Pride's so i can't say I'll never apply to one again but honestly for the size of "Heritage of Pride" they could certainly send an email or a form letter saying thank you for submitting...

a few months ago a very popular and hard working drag queen from Rhode Island told me she felt let down by the gay community. At this moment I know how she feels!! I don't deserve to be treated like crap especially by so called like-minded gays....

What the fuckles!!! When will I ever learn?????????????????


XO, BT

Love the new Hood

Hey Gays,

We are settled in our new apartment, well almost, still boxes in some places. I have to say though that the neighborhood is so different from manhattan. Tree's and rose bushes galore, birds chirping.....I guess thats why they call it Carroll Gardens...LOL.

Here is a pic taken by my hubby to give you a feeling of what its like...sleepy



XO, BT

Down in the dumps

Hey gays,

Sorry for lack of posts. I just haven't had it in me to keep up with this blog. I'm a little down..

There is a lot going on, moving, our dog is sick, my job sucks, not knowing what to do about drag. I'm sure I'll snap out of it but for the moment I'm too depressed to get overly excited about anything. I hope the move and trip to key west will excite me..starting a new, something fresh..I'm crossing my fingers...

XO, BT