Fat-ee Gay

Visions

2009-07-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

Since I was a kid I've had the ability to sense things. It started out as very strong deja vu. I know many people have the sense they've been somewhere before but mine was much stronger. It was more than a feeling, it was more like I knew I had been there. I remember many times when I'd be standing somewhere looking around and my mother being annoyed, it usually was a park or water area's. Often I would lay down and look up into the sky and try to imagine what it was like before and even a few times it always came to thinking about Indians. I spent a lot of time in the woods when I was young, it felt very safe to me...

Over the years things have not changed, there were times when the visions went dim but most anywhere I have been, lived have always conjured up feelings of spirits. My freshman year of College I would see a woman walking the halls that no one else would confirm seeing, the dorm was a converted catholic school, the woman wore a black robe so I figured she was a nun, though some people talked about hearing a woman moaning at night, they couldn't see her.

Years later when I lived in Pawtucket, RI I would see a woman standing over my bed, she actually scratched me, after explaining to my roommate he told me that a woman had been murdered in the house in the 1950's. She was not pleasant at all, she scared the shit out of me. The room I had there also collected massive amounts of dust, she really didn't like me there..spooky

In New York I would see a woman sitting at out computer desk and in the laundry room in the basement. One time she came right up behind me, I could feel her almost breathing. She was very lonely, she was longing to be part of something, this was the first time I felt as if i could say something and she'd respond but I wasn't sure how to go about it...

When Jeff's grandmother died she came to visit us one night. That was the first time I actually felt the presence and when I closed my eyes, I could see her sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. she changed the temperature in the room. This was also the first time I couldn't control the feeling, I sobbed and even my body ached for a few minutes. I felt she was trying to talk to me but I couldn't hear her. i did find out that the vision when i close my eyes is referred to as a third eye by psychics, mediums, etc. This was the first time I felt that I could communicate, meaning that Isabel had come to me first or tried to use me to communicate. I'd never had that feeling before, crossing boundaries.

Then last night after I got into bed Miss Binks visited. Jeff was in the other room. It happened about 5 minutes after i got into bed. I was laying on My right side and the hair on the back of my neck and arms got rigid and I turned over and up a bit over my head across the bed was an ill formed mass, a little milky with little sparkles that faded in and out, I leaned over and put my glasses on and it then moved over to the chair we have next to the bed, slid down next to the bed, I reached out across the bed and touched it and it then flattened out, almost like it was walking across the bed and it settled right on her blanket and stayed there for a few seconds.

I asked if it was kiawah and when I closed my eyes I could see the sparkles a million times brighter, like fireworks almost, I knew it was her and again I just started crying, it then went back up hovering over the bed. I got up to tell Jeff and he came in. I could tell she was still there but the energy had faded a bit but Jeff said he could see it a little. Also during the night twice I went to move my leg and it felt as if she was there on her blanket, Jeff said he also felt as if she was brushing up against his leg. This experience was light and fluffy, airy and delightful.

For the first time in my life I feel I need to learn about these experiences I have and how to communicate with them. i know the third eye is unique from what I have read so far and is the gateway to communication.Its something that people usually have to tap into but it just occurs for me so now I have to figure out how to use it. I don't know if I'm psychic, I've never predicted anything or read any one's mind. I know I'm not interested in that really, I'm more interested in communicating with people....

I was really excited about Kiawah last night, i feel much better today after her visit...I hope she comes back soon..the energy was so positive and fun.

XO, BT

Kiawah in my Dreams

2009-07-10T06:22:00.001-07:00

Hey gays,

The past few months have been tough... Our dog Kiawah has been battling mouth cancer and on Wednesday she passed away. I never thought I could love a being this much and she gave so much back to everyone. Kiawah touched everyone we knew, she was a special friend to both our grandmothers in their later years, she visited nursing homes, she especially was fond of the homeless, she was always drawn to people that needed help or love.

Kiawah was pure of heart, she was a bit odd as dogs go with food, she loved veggies, Carrots, pea's, green beans, sweet potato's and she couldn't resist a tortilla chip. She gave us more laughs than any human ever could, she had her own special comic timing. I miss her so much, I ache with grief at the moment. Leaving the vets office, even though her passing was peaceful, was a tragic and empty feeling for us but I know we'll feel better when we get her ashes back, she'll come full circle back to us, I know it!!

Kiawah in my Dreams
For Miss Binks

Will you come see me?
Kiawah, in my dreams
Holding you in two hands
A puff ball of fur it seems

Will you come see me?
Kiawah, in my dreams
Tugging ropes, playing, at my heart
Not far I know but we’re apart

Will you come see me?
Kiawah in my dreams
Look to the window, dancing squirrels
Cooking, bathing I’m missing, you’re free

Will you come see me?
Kiawah in my dreams
I’m waiting, drifting asleep
Can’t hold back my tears it seems

Are you flying with your birds tonight?
Gentle Breezes across my face, seems right
Will you come see me?
Kiawah in my dreams

A puff ball of fur it seems
Paw, high five, dance Kiawah dance
Carrot treats for you always, Will you come see me?
Tricks again, give me a chance

A puff ball of fur I know
Much more, my friend, my pal
I’m waiting, drifting asleep
Will you come see me?

A puff ball of fur I Know
Bounding endless energy, you’re free
I know you’ll come see me, drifting asleep
Kiawah in my dreams

Death in the Summer

2009-07-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

Gey gays,

What the hell is going on...Lots of people are dropping dead in 2009 and so many in just the past few weeks. I can't remember a time when so many celebs having signed out in such a short span.

First there was

Estelle Getty, then Bea Arthur, the sideman Ed Mcmhan ,poor Farrah Fawcett, the king of pop MJ, the fabulous Karl malden, well I mean he was a good actor, the loud mouth sales guy Billy mays and now I just read the fabulous British actress Molly Sugden too. Its very sad.

Though Malden was 97, wow what a great run..and I guess Ed, Bea, Estelle and Molly also lived well into their 80's. MJ and Farrah were too young by today standards.

Its been a rough summer, maybe thats why all the rain....

Its all very confusing!!

XO, BT

I need, I don't want

2009-06-23T12:53:00.001-07:00

Hey gays,

I'm wowed by things sometimes but lately I'm just not having it.

I think our dog Kiawah's illness has flung me into a depression. I'm trying to be positive but the thought of not having her around scares me, things won't be the same without her, having her energy in the house has aways been comforting.

There have been many times when I thought she was a pain in the butt and complained about her, she could be very pesky at times but most of the time she is a very good dog.

The funny thing is she seems to have a zest for life i'm lacking at the moment, i'm performing, but I don't want to, i'm eating but i need to stop, i'm drinking and i need to drink less...

She has a cancer in the worst possible place, her mouth, but she still seems to want to carry on forever and I so wish we could have her always.....

I'll have to soak in some of her zest tonight because I have to glitter up my starfish for Coney Island...LOL...

Zest me up Kiawah!!

XO, BT

Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be Gay

2009-06-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

Because of the way we treat each other. Well the way I get treated

Hey gays,

I can't hold my tongue any longer!!

Recently against my better judgment I decided to submit my work to a gay themed festival and Pride stage in NYC.

I have never heard back from either one of them? it is not in their literature that they only respond to those chosen. What the fuck is wrong with these people i.e. gays. I have submitted to other festivals and always get a response back either way. It's only fair, don't you think? if you take the time to send a package in and have it reviewed and scrutinized on whether its worthy or not then you at least deserve the courtesy of an answer. Somehow in the art/theatre/gay capital of the world NYC some of these organizations don't feel the need.

It's 100% perfectly fine not to get chosen but it really pisses me the fuck off not to get a reply.

I've been told before that festivals are about who you know, and I know that's true in most cases but that does not excuse the total lack of courtesy.

I'm gay and I'm not homophobic but some of these fucking fags need to take their balls out of their purse and do the job they are supposed to do.

If I were in charge of choosing acts or plays etc. especially for a gay themed event i would go out of my way to respond to everyone because its the right thing to do...

People who know me know that I try my best to be nice and work well with others but enough is fucking enough with these assholes.

I will never apply to another festival. There are plenty of Pride's so i can't say I'll never apply to one again but honestly for the size of "Heritage of Pride" they could certainly send an email or a form letter saying thank you for submitting...

a few months ago a very popular and hard working drag queen from Rhode Island told me she felt let down by the gay community. At this moment I know how she feels!! I don't deserve to be treated like crap especially by so called like-minded gays....

What the fuckles!!! When will I ever learn?????????????????

XO, BT

Love the new Hood

2009-06-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

We are settled in our new apartment, well almost, still boxes in some places. I have to say though that the neighborhood is so different from manhattan. Tree's and rose bushes galore, birds chirping.....I guess thats why they call it Carroll Gardens...LOL.

Here is a pic taken by my hubby to give you a feeling of what its like...sleepy

XO, BT

Down in the dumps

2009-05-12T09:39:00.001-07:00

Hey gays,

Sorry for lack of posts. I just haven't had it in me to keep up with this blog. I'm a little down..

There is a lot going on, moving, our dog is sick, my job sucks, not knowing what to do about drag. I'm sure I'll snap out of it but for the moment I'm too depressed to get overly excited about anything. I hope the move and trip to key west will excite me..starting a new, something fresh..I'm crossing my fingers...

XO, BT

RuPaul's Drag race

2009-05-05T10:56:00.001-07:00

Hey gays,

I am in the running for casting for Rupaul's drag race. Go vote for old MargOH!

http://RuPaulCasting.com/people/margohchanning

XO, BT

Craigslist gone mad

2009-04-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

All the craigslist killings, robbings and such is going through the roof. What started out as a really good idea has gotten seedy. Even if you try and rent an apartment there is plenty a scam artist looking to steal your money.

Now we have the "Craigslist Killer" .

The one thing that I've noticed through all the media coverage and interviews with friends, etc. is how often he is referred to as "clean". "He's Clean cut, I can't believe it, he's so neat and clean". It almost makes it seem as if you have to be dirty and unkempt to be a killer..I think people forget that clean white people commit crimes just as much as messy and dirty people do, maybe even more.

The other thing I noticed is that there have been many instances over the years with people being killed, hurt and attacked from using craigslist like the kid last year that was lured by a group of guys to a parking lot to have sex and he was hit by a car trying to get away from them attacking him but that barely got any national press, could it be because he was black and gay....

It seems that craigslist has lost a handle on what it was meant for because they really do not have any rules. I'm not sure if they could curb whats going on lately because during a bad economy sex sells...The site has no control over what people are going to do and I hope people start thinking twice about meeting up with strangers alone for services...It's a no win situation it seems....

XO, BT

Even more Crazy

2009-04-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

Yes, Still haven't had any reply's to some emails and such, i"m going even crazier.....................................I need dorito's or better yet chips and dips...yummo

XO, BT

I'm going crazy

2009-04-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

I think I'm going crazy. No one will respond to my submissions, show treatments, requests for jobs, phone calls, you name it...I think I'm going mad...

XO, BT

Imagining me

2009-04-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

Last night I went to see a show "Araby" composed by my friend Chris Rael. The show is fabulous and the music
is touching. He sets the story to The Dubliners by Joyce but it's about his relationship with his father who died in a tragic accident.

He talked of his father giving up on his dreams or setting them aside for the life he had but he was unhappy. There were a lot of similarities in the show to my father, well I don't even know what my fathers dreams were. He is really vacant and doesn't talk much about his feelings.

The whole thing is I was thinking that in my show that I make my mother kind of a tyrant. I'm wondering if it is too harsh on her, i don't know I'm just thinking I'm doing the wrong thing at the moment. I do wrap the show up on a positive note because I'm fine with my mother now for the most part.

I hate whenever I see some one's show I start questioning myself and my writing. I'm always happy to experience other people's art and I learn from it and this show was really touching. I hope mine is a little bit...

XO, BT

An uphill battle

2009-04-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

Today I weigh in at 220 pounds, not my heaviest weight, I've been 235 before.

The thing is for my next show I gotta get down to what I call "Judy" weight. When I was impersonating Judy on a regular basis I weighed between 180-200 possibly 210 at the most. Its not easy to fit into a form fitting outfit like she wore but I have to do it this time because i want to have a fabulous costume. A lot of a performance has to do with the costume I feel, always have. I want to have something fierce this time that when you look at it it screams Judy.

So today started the journey to trim down. 45 minutes on the treadmill today and yesterday and i want to start playing tennis again. Now the rough part starts, no more chips and limited snacks, i do love a dorito...LOL

I'm going to start taking some pictures of my body to see what happens....

wish me luck....

XO, BT

What the fuckles?

2009-04-06T17:31:00.001-07:00

Hey gays,

What is up with WeTV and all the freaktacular shows. Little miss perfect and the scary male host that sings of citrus colored rainbows to little girls with a woman judge who calls herself Miss South Africa USA, whatever that means. Her lips are bigger than her ego...

Now we have another strange man saying he wants to save fat people lives. I haven't seen the show yet but I gotta see this. This guy seems like a jackass....

I gotta go eat a whole pizza and 2 liters of soda and pass out in my fat.....

XO, BT

Waiting

2009-04-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

hey gays,

A while back I talked about a show that I was writing and I finished the first rough draft or the first final draft, I guess I'll call it. About the same time I finished there was a festival coming up and also Pride stage so I decided to submit to both. The Pride stage theme is paint the town ruby seeing it the 40Th anniversary of Stonewall and I thought that doing a piece of my show "For the love of Judy" would be perfect.

I always hate submitting my stuff to festivals and events because I usually get rejected, though I did get chosen for "Gay life expo" last year. Now I'm waiting to hear back. I know in my mind these things are all political and about having the right exposure, its not always about the work itself but in my heart I feel like crap when I don't get chosen.

In the end I'll just do the show on my own but I guess its the support of your peers that mean something , a stranger reading your work and thinking its worthy of being seen and heard...

Now I'm waiting

XO, BT

I'm so sick of "The market"

2009-03-24T09:50:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

No, I'm not talking about the supermarket, you know I need my food....

I'm talking about the endless nauseating talk about the stock market , the housing market, the rich people getting more bonuses.....I'm just sick and tired of hearing how we've all been raped by the system when no one is willing to even do anything about it or at least be accountable for it. The final straw was when I watched a piece on 60 minutes about the markets and what stood out to me is how no one will admit to be lying cheats out to make a buck or how people took out mortgages where the monthly payment was higher than what they make in a month saying I was taken advantage of....yikes.

The reality is people of my generation and below are being punished by the excess of the baby boomers, yes , our parents. We are being left with less than what they had because of greed. My parents aren't to blame, they have no money but the ones that do that are ages 60 and above right now that made millions upon millions of dollars and ran off with it leaving the average worker starving, the Enron's, the bear Stearn's, the aig, look at the men running those company's , old white guys.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.......I'm going mad...

XO, BT

Discovery in Florida

2009-03-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

We took a short vacation to Florida and stayed at my sisters home
which is in an over 55 community called "The Villages". We have made fun of the place and all of the oldsters but the place is like a resort with golf courses, tennis courts, pools and a happy our in town square, 2.75 drinks..oh yeah!!

The weird thing this time is that we noticed that there seemed to be more gays there this time, usually older couples or a couple may/December romances...LOL. My hubby did some research and they actually have a GLBT group there call Rainbow Family. I was shocked because it seemed like such a conservative place. Could it be that we weren't the only gays in the village....I guess so!! Who knew!

Check it out gays..

XO, BT

Off fo Florida

2009-03-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

Going on vacation til tuesday and probably won't enter the blog so any peeps reading I'll make an entry soon...though i only have one follower...LOL squish, squish...I'm sad....I'll be working on the next "Chew the fat" series interview...

happy St Patty's!! drink up

XO, BT

BT Exposes the fat

2009-03-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

I did a performance the other night at "Hypergender Burlesque" and took it all off for art. There is something to be said for exposing yourself.....what a tummy...LOL. All the photo's were taken by my hubby Jeff catlow.

xo, BT

I'm a Taurus for sure

2009-03-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

I was born on May 20th which falls on the cusp of Taurus and Gemini. I found this description of Taurus that really describes me almost to a T. I'm a loyal person and let things slide off my back. I'm also time orientated and tend to ease into change but not so much welcome it....

I don not think I have much Gemini traits because they are talkers, though I kind of Long to be that way so maybe Gemini pulls me or gives me the courage to perform and get in front of an audience...

It is interesting stuff though and interesting to give these things a thought and realize who you are as a person..

XO, BT

Feeling a little Green

2009-02-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

Well of course you are! March is upon us and I'm feeling Green, anxiously awaiting spring to start..It can't get here fast enough.

I'm Irish and St. Patrick's was always a big time in our house. Even before my parents had their Irish pub and restaurant we always had a party. St. Patrick's day is also my mothers birthday so a Keg of Green beer always was tapped at our house. The Shea's was the place to be....Corned Beef and cabbage for everyone...

When they opened the restaurant it turned into more of a nightmare. It was the busiest day of the year until it closed. If you went to visit you usually were put to work in some way, kind of taking the fun of it out of the mix. Though I have to say in a way I miss it a bit because I know how much my mother enjoyed it. They would always have a huge cake and sing happy birthday at the end of the evening and a dance with her kids or father. Everyone would be sloppy drunk by the end and singing or something......

That's the luck of the Irish after all....

XO, BT

Someone to Admire

2009-02-25T08:25:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I have to tell you after watching some of the Oscars and seeing Red Carpet photo's, etc. I was pleased to see a few older women that are letting themselves age gracefully and not with much plastic surgery. I don't think Meryl Streep has had much work done if any and Sophia Loren looks fabulous though I think she's no stranger to the knife. The actress Melissa Leo nominated for Frozen river is also someone to note.

The stand out here though is Angelica Houston. One time i did drag and wore a long black bob and all I got all night was you look just like Angelica Houston, not that I took it as a insult, I never wore that wig again.

She is actually a gorgeous woman, more sophisticated than most, she is not a classic beauty but more of a unique one. I just like the fact that she is who she is and doesn't really change. I don't think she has had a lot of work done and it shows in these pics but she still has a great body and look.

Oh, someone to admire, I think. Maybe I'll pick up another black bob!!

XO, BT

The Chunky Fabulous

2009-02-24T12:15:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

When i was driving to RI last week I was listening to Sirius/XM and I was listening to Keith Price and then Frank Decaro and it dawned on me that they are both fatee gays...

Then I started to think of all the chunkies out there that are huge in both stature and fame. We have Rosie, Bruce Vilanch

Harvey Fierstein

Oh , yes and Chastity Bono, Poor Cher still doesn't know where she went wrong

I'm pretty sure Clay Aiken is on the road to the chunk and so is Lance bass if he doesn't watch it...no eclairs for him....

I don't even know why I wrote this post..LOL. I guess there are a lot of chunky gays having successful and fun lives....

XO, BT

MargOH! in the The Village Voice

2009-02-20T13:22:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I'm part of a fun show next week and it has been chosen as a voice choice by
the village voice. The show is called Tribute to the Golden girls 2 .

Its taken a while but old MargOH! got her name in the voice!!....thanks to the Victoria Party for having me in this show!! At last I feel a little sigh of relief...

XO, BT

MargOH! and the Twink

2009-02-17T07:42:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

So this weekend I went to my old stomping ground Providence to visit my friends and have a little fun. I also wanted to perform a number I've been working on. It is Liza's version of "What makes a man a man". Its one of those songs that is very dramatic but a little long to keep a crowds attention.

I was testing it out to see what the reaction was even though I wasn't adding all the idea's I had for my NYC performance of the song. I'm going to make a huge cock and balls under my outfit to expose at the end of the song. Anyway, I did the song but more copying her performance on the GLAAD media awards a couple of years ago. I feel the performance went well especially when I removed my wig toward the end of the song. It is a good song to act to and I tried to do that....

Well when I walked off the stage after taking bows etc. this guy grabbed my face and kissed me hard and long on the lips, mind you i still had no wig on, it happened so fast that I was taken a back and kind of pushed him away gently and went backstage. I put my wig back on and gathered myself, etc. and went back out and the guy was still standing there, he grabbed me again and said that he fell in love with me and wanted to go home with MargOH!... I guess I did a good job with that song...LOL.

Let me tell you though, MargOH! and sex do not mix.. I of course explained to him that I was married and MargOH! was too old for him, he was 20. The boy wouldn't let up though and when i went back to my friends , etc. was very persistant..

In the end he got my point and though I was flattered the boy had to be turned away..LOL. In all of my years of performing this has never happened to me and it made me wonder what the attraction was..as a side note about 3 or 4 other younger gay men approached me and were applauding my performance as touching, etc. It really hit a chord with the young ones, interesting....

I told Jeff all about this as soon as I got home and I'm glad i did because some aquaintences that were there told other aquaintences and described me as "She was having a lot of fun".....

To me, it was innocent and not something I meant to have happen or invited, the whole experience was really funny to me and interesting how a performance can affect someone....

XO, BT

Was Joan right?

2009-02-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I think so, Joan Crawford that is. She always said she would dip her face in ice baths to keep the sking taught and soft. I always would wash my face in luke warm water but I decided to give it a try after Jeff told me the woman who cut his hair said the same thing. The past few days I've tried washing my face in ice cold water and it works, My skin is so soft and i'm much more refreshed looking....Hopefully it is not a short effect!

Thanks Joan!!

XO, BT

Blossom Dearie

2009-02-11T09:08:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

We lost another fabulous performer Blossom Dearie

She is one of those performers you may hear as part of a jazz channel or in the supermarket over their music intercom but you may not know exactly who she is.

Blossom was another great reason to live in NY. She performed for several years at Danny's skylight room and Jeff and I went to see her a couple of times. Her shows were so fun and for someone well into her 70's her voice was very good, she sang in this sugary sweet voice but a lot of the songs she sang were hysterical or had a zing to them. I guess you would call her a performers performer... Here is a clip from you tube.

I sang this song in one of my shows because I just loved the way she did it! If you don't own a Blossom Dearie cd, go get one. She is perfect to listen to on a Sunday morning with your coffee.

XO, BT

I is Poor

2009-02-06T12:14:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I read this article about the cost of living in NYC. I've always known that living in the city is expensive but to be honest with you I didn't think it was this bad. When you are living something every day I guess you lose sight of certain things.

Recently though I've started to see differences. The supermarket across the street which was pretty reasonable compared to suburb supermarkets was bought out by Shop rite and the prices have went way up. A block of Cracker barrel cheese is 6.99, that is outrageous compared to the 4.59 it was when it was morton williams. On the average everything in that store is 50 cents more and it makes a huge difference. Also our landlord raised our rent 6 % this year, ouch...So we have to move because we are paying over market now for this apartment.

According to this article I'm not even middle class...I guess I is poor...

Providence is looking good at the moment. I would love to move back but I will miss the city and all it has to offer even if we are barely getting by...

XO, BT

Madonna's Hot new man

2009-02-04T07:40:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I want a piece of her new man, he's a hotty at 22. Good for her. She has to keep up with the young ones...LOL

I wonder how long this will last...I'll have to give her a call and ask for his number when she is done...LOL

XO, BT

A poem; The past

2009-02-02T09:08:00.001-08:00

Father’s infidelity
Mother’s stubborn weakness
I’m the significant other
Sleepless nights
Secrets
Lies
No way out
Somebody help please, Nana, Papa, Auntie can’t know
Sworn secrecy, the good son, where do you go
Anywhere but there
Unhappiness rules
Alcohol, Drugs and sex
Save the rainy days
Like him, I’m a father now, just like him
Sweep it under the rug, just like her
Innocence lost, Caps and gowns tossed to the air, sigh, I’m free

By BT Shea

Bacon Anyone?

2009-01-30T06:14:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

I saw this article in the New York times and had to post it. If you love bacon
I would give it a try but honestly sausage rolled in bacon is just a bit much ya think, I prefer scallops...LOL

XO, BT

No Cupcakes for Bill

2009-01-28T07:45:00.001-08:00

Hey gays,

I am little hungry, all the time!! I started cutting back on my meals and I'm starving....LOL

No cupcakes for Bill...very sad

XO, BT

I'm finished

2009-01-26T16:06:00.001-08:00

Hey gays,

I'm finished with the first draft of my show...thank goodness....I was thinking i would never finish it but after focusing this weekend I was able to get it done.

I still think the struggle of what to tell in this story was holding me back but I decided not to hold back and now I know it was the best thing to do. Though I'm not completely happy with everything I know that the draft is going in the right direction....

I love the first act but the second is a little flat at the moment mainly because the content and mood is a little heavier, talking about life's challenges including coming out, lost loves and coming to terms with the past to move on to the future.

I do know one thing that after my final lines of the show there will a clip of Judy to end the show but now i have to decide which one. I have 3 in mind, The show is called "For the love of Judy"

I've never been so excited to do a show after having written the last line today

its a little hard not knowing what the whole show is about but which of these would you call better...any thoughts gays

XO, BT

Busting at the Seams

2009-01-22T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

The winter weight is getting a little crazy.....eveything is getting a bit tight...LOL

Next week I'm back to the gym to do at least 30 minutes of cardio to get my
metabolism working. I also gotta cut out the junk food..I'm crazy with it.

I had to eat a half bag of dorito's last night watching Lost so I could get even more Lost....that show makes you want to eat...LOL. I actually DVR'd it but I still ate the bag of dorito's watching househunters international.

One of my co-workers had a major operation last week to remove a Carcinoid Tumor. It is a very rare type of tumor that shoots large amounts of seratonin through your body. It was removed from his intestinal tract so he hasn't eaten anything in a week. He just started eating soft food yesterday.

I went to visit him last night at Mt. Sinai and he was doing well and should leave the hospital tomorrow. He told me he was having dreams about food all week...It amazes me how the body can cope with such trauma, he was up and walking around, the surgery he had was like 9 hours long and they had to take out a piece of his liver because some of the tumor lodged onto it. The doctors said he was lucky to have had some symptoms of the disease. Most people who get this don't and by the time its discovered its too late to do anything.

After leaving the hospital it really made me think about the amount of food I eat and that its a little out of control but i still bought the damn snack...I really have to cut back on my eating...its making me sad...but I am glad my friend has a good prognosis, he is a nice guy!

XO, BT

"Chew The Fat" Series # 2 with Valerio Lanzani

2009-01-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

One day as I sat at my desk at my day job I opened my email and got an invite in my MargOH! Channing email from Youtube to become friends with "Imvale". It sent me to a video of a young man sitting on his bed playing a keyboard to a soothing melodic voiceover to "The First Of Autumn" by Enya.

I remember thinking this person is really adorable. Then my eyes shifted to the setting and I immediatly noticed all of the photo's and frames , most likely of family and friends but what stood out the most was the doll. I couldn't make out what the doll was. I of course subscribed and friended him and my comment was

"hi Doll,

Lovely video also can you tell me what the doll is on your shelf, i can't make it out?

kisses, M"

He replied

"Hi, MargOH!

Thank you very much!
That's a Virginia Woolf doll ;) "

Then MargOH! replied

"Oh, LOL...how fun!! You are an original thats for sure!!

Kisses, M"

Then Valerio replied

"Yep, I'm definitely peculiar!

And you seem to be an original, too ;)"

Then MargOH! replied

"thats the only way to be darling!!!

If you are ever in NY please let me know for we have to meet!!"

Then Valerio replied

"Sure -- I totally agree with you ;) "

Guess what gays? he's coming to NYC this summer and I can't wait to meet him!!

Sometimes when you first meet someone , right away, you have a connection and I felt that with Valerio. I got the impression he was an old soul in a young mans body. I could also tell he was full of wit and charm not to mention a talent to entertain.

Over the past months we've kept in constant contact and even did a little duet of "Something Stupid". I love watching his video's and his version of "Moon River" has become one of my favorites.

This is one of the best parts of the internet, to be able to communicate with people from other cultures and actually make a friend. I know I'll always want to keep in contact with Valerio, he's special to me and I love his unique and fun sensibility.

He has a zest for life that I love, I know you'll feel the same as I do after reading this piece. Here is the conversation we had!

BT

You live in a small village in Italy, where is it exactly? Do you see yourself leaving Italy?.

Valerio

The small town where I live is called Cislago, which I usually refer to as “the shithole.” That should answer your second question, but I want to say something more about this.

Most Americans (at least, most of the ones I know) tend to idealize Italy – at least until they come here. YES, we DO have our fascinating history and our monuments, even in small towns like mine – and YES, a villa in Tuscany is something I’d like to spend a fortnight at… having said that, living in the provinces here can become as dull as in every other place in the world. Cislago is in Nothern Italy, 30 minutes far from both Milan and Como.
I definitely see myself leaving my town – I’m not sure about leaving this country soon, though. Don’t get me wrong: I’d love to, but I need to complete my studies first.

BT

What has your experience been like growing up gay in Italy?

Valerio

This area (and Northern Italy in general) is VERY conservative, with an aggravating circumstance: it’s also VERY Catholic (in the worst sense of the word). A lot of schools are Catholic up here, and I studied in one of them, for 13 long years. My family is not religious, but most of the people we know are – and there’s a man in Rome, always dressed in white, who keeps preaching his hate, every single day. It’s quite impossible not to be at least grazed by Catholicism and its homophobia.

I’ve always known I’m gay.

Most of the people I know have always known I’m gay, even though I only came out to everyone explicitly when I was 19. Even though I had to hide it, I’ve never tried to deny it – not to myself, not to the people who care about me and not even to those who called me “fag.” Silence and a lot of fake smiles were my strategy during my adolescence, but I’ve learnt how to answer back now.

It’s the same old story, and it goes under the name of “heteronormativity.” I hate to sound like a moaner, and I’m not one anyway: I cherish my teenage years now, even though I had to get through them on my own. Actually, I think I cherish them BECAUSE

I managed to get through them on my own. I cherish all the reading I did, all the hours I spent watching Alias (and drooling over Bradley Cooper) alone in my bedroom, and the very few friends I had…

I wouldn’t say I’m flamboyant now, but people usually know I’m gay before I tell them, and I’m quite pleased with that.

BT

I know you are a student, what are you currently studying and what is your favorite subject?

Valerio

I’m currently studying Modern Literature in Milan (I had started studying Poli-Sci three years ago, but I realized it wasn’t my thing) – and I love writing (and reading, of course).
I love studying Literature: whenever I read a book and find it exceptional, I tend to get obsessed with its author and I want to know all about her/him. I usually buy her/his books within a week, even though I know I’ll never have time to read them all.
My current obsessions are Giovanni Boccaccio, Michel Houellebecq and Laura Albert (aka JT Leroy).

My biggest obsession is Amélie Nothomb: I’ve read all her books in Italian, but I also have them in English and French (and I can’t even speak French…) – some of them in Spanish, too.

Whenever I’m obsessed, I need to share my obsession with others: two friends of mine now know everything about Amélie Nothomb and have read at least three of her novels.
I said I like writing, and I’ve just finished writing my first novel – I’m trying to get it published – and I started writing a second one last month.

I’d love to become a famous writer, sell more copies than Danielle Steel and be a guest on American TV shows… if I can’t have all that, I’d like to become a teacher and a complete unknown writer, at least.

BT

I got to know you through your youtube page and your gorgeous covers of popular songs. What is the favorite one you've done?

I love all the songs I play and sing. If I had to pick a favourite, well… I just can’t! I’d say “Questions In A World Of Blue” was the most elaborate video I did, because it took me quite long to shoot and edit it.
However, Enya is my favourite artist of all time; “Fallen Embers” is probably my favourite Enya song, among those I’ve covered.

Ooh, and I had a great time recording “Man! I Feel Like A Woman” with an extremely talented YouTube friend, Holly (alpet07) – and shooting the video for “Arrivederci” (the cameraman was my dear friend Drew, and we were in Cornwall).

BT

You sing in many different languages, are you fluent in all of them?

Valerio

Ehm… nope! I’m only fluent in Italian, English and Latin (kinda). I know a few words in Spanish and French, but I couldn’t have a real conversation with Ricky Martin or Nicolas Sarkozy (unless they can speak Italian, English or Latin, of course). “Quiero montar el caballito” and “quatre consonnes et trois voyelles, c’est le prénom de Raphael” is all I would be able to tell them.

BT

What turns you on? (loaded question)

Valerio

Mmh… geekiness, important noses (like Adrien Brody’s) and ice cream.

BT Oh, V, I think you held back a bit on that question..just kidding wink, wink!! You shy bugger..LOL

BT

My blog talks about body image and how we are labeled one thing or another like Fat and fem or masculine, twink, etc., how do you view yourself in these terms or as a gay man?

Valerio

I’d label myself as a “sorta feminine fat-assed dorky dykey boy next door.”

BT

For someone your age you seem very well traveled, what's the favorite place you've visited?

Valerio

Of all the places I’ve visited up to now, those who charmed me the most are Les Saintes Maries De La Mer, in Southern France, and St Ives, in Cornwall: as much as I need some excitement in my life, I want to end up living in a quiet, secluded place –just not in Italy: I’m tired of it.
I like big metropolises, but I don’t think I’d ever be able to live in one: I need nights to be noiseless and I love taking long, quiet walks, from time to time. It’s true, I’ve travelled quite a lot, especially in the past few years – but I actually started at a very early stage in my life: my parents were in Kenya when my mother found out she was pregnant with me.

BT

I'm taking a guess but it seems music is your passion; do you plan on pursuing a singing career?

Valerio

Music has always been one of my biggest passions and hobbies, but I’ve never really considered pursuing a serious singing career. My compositional skills are pretty average (I think the lyrics are okay, but the music is nothing to die for) and my voice is quite ordinary, too. I’ve never had a vocal coach and I lack technical knowledge. Then again, whenever I watch a video on MTV, I can’t help thinking: “If she/he is doing it, why can’t I?”

BT

We did a silly little version of "Something Stupid"…which was so fun. If you come to NYC will you do another with me? What could we sing?

Valerio

Of course, dear! Our version of “Somethin’ Stupid” is fun, I think we should upload it on YouTube, sooner or later. I’ll visit NYC next summer, at the beginning of August – and seeing you is one of the things I’m looking forward to. What could we sing? Well, we could do a mad cover of Lady GaGa’s “Poker Face,” which I can’t get out of my head these days… she’s so trashy she’s almost brilliant.

Britney’s “Womanizer” would be great, too. And well, I’d like to dress up as Nancy (or Nicole) and sing “Somethin’ Stupid” with you, live on stage. Would you be my Frank? Actually, I like Robbie better…

BT- oooh, I like the "womanizer" idea, very hot!! If I'm on stage honey I'm the woman...LOL though maybe we can both do drag and do a lesbian duet and make out like Madonna and Britney, that would be fun..to the next question

BT

I can't wait to see you in New York! When you visit NYC what is the first thing you want to see?

Valerio

I already know I’ll end up seeing only half of the zillion things I want to see in NYC. Central Park is definitely #1 on my list: I want to see the angel at the centre of Bethesda Fountain. We’ve already booked tickets for “Mamma Mia!”, of course. Oh, and I want to see the bar where Meg Ryan waits for Tom Hanks in “You’ve Got Mail.” Last but not least, I hope I’ll get to see YOU!

BT- Valerio, of course you'll see me. In fact I think I'll host a party in your honor and maybe even do a show so we can do that duet...MargOH! loves putting on a show!

I wanted to say thank you to Valerio for being part of Fat-ee gay. I just think you are the tops and I'm so glad to have connected with you. I'm sure the readers will feel the same way I do!

Here is a picture of valerio and a clip of his favorite video..

XO BT

The next "chew the fat" interview

2009-01-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I just completed my latest interview and will post sometime today or tomorrow. You will love the next interviewee. He is a wonderful gay boy from italy..very sweet!!

XO, BT

The bashing

2009-01-18T11:26:00.001-08:00

Hey gays,

Last night I had a dream about an event that happened in 1990.....Very strange...

The dream was more about why I never said or did anything about it? It was the type of dream that would make me wake up terrified and then start again when I fell back to sleep. The dream isn't worth writing about but I guess the reason for it is worth telling...

Also, I went to see "Revolutionary Road" today and what a downer of a movie that was, crazy but a true...the character of April said one line I keep thinking about "Who made up all these rules anyway". It made me think who made up the rule that made it seem ok to attack someone for no reason.

To the true story.

I was 20 I guess or maybe I just turned 21. I always get confused because it took me 5 years to get my degree because of all the crap I went through with my first boyfriend Bill. I probably had just finished my third year of school and i had met this guy Jim out at the bars. He was a nurse and a nice enough guy, at this time my best friend Mike took a job working 3rd shift so he wasn't always available to go out etc. I tried to make a couple more friends to go out with because i hated going out alone. I remember that Mike told me he didn't like Jim because he was a loud mouth or the type to get in trouble. i never saw any of the behavior so I just blew that off and continued to hang out with him when Mike wasn't around.

I remember the day vividly because I worked the breakfast/lunch shift at the Sheraton hotel restaurant where I was a waiter and I cut myself that day, pretty bad when i was cutting lemons so that added to the pain but being a waiter you learn to take care of it yourself and throw a band aid on it though i think i needed stitches...anyway... It was a Friday and I had Saturday off and Jim had stopped by my work around 1pm and asked me if I wanted to go to Boston, he wanted to go to the "ramrod". I was like..a leather bar...I think i initially said no but he said I'll drive so you can just relax. I then said ok, I'll go as long as we go to another bar too so we wouldn't have to be at Ramrod all night. He agreed and said he'd pick me up at 9.

There wasn't much to the evening, we went to "Ramrod" and they were having a country western night and it was really boring. I remember saying lets go to this other place which was a video bar at the time, I can't remember the name but it was a small place that played video's and porn, etc. i chatted up a guy there and he asked me to go home with him but i declined because i was with Jim, etc. I remember the guy even offered to pay for my train ride back the next day but for some reason i declined and didn't want to make Jim drive home alone. I then remember realizing he wasn't there so i told the guy i had to find him so I looked over the whole bar and he was no where to be found so i walked outside to see if he had gone to the car, it was parked down the street and when I took the left and went by an alley I saw him blowing some guy right out in the open, though it was an alley way behind the club it was pretty well lit and you could see him plain as day..I just turned around and went back inside. The thing was I noticed a red truck, like a GMC 4 seater, pre svu and they had Slowed down and obviously saw what Jim was doing but they kept driving.

He came back in and wanted to leave so we headed back to the car and I saw the truck again driving slowly by us but again didn't think anything of it. We got back into the car and started driving down mass ave, a long road in boston with lots of stop lights, it was the quickest way back to the highway.

Of course Jim was telling me about the guy and how huge his cock was and all that. I lit up a cigarette and rolled down the window and we stopped at a light and I looked to my right and the red truck pulled up next to us and the guy driving waved and smiled. I quickly rolled up the window and told Jim I thought these guys were following us. He said he didn't notice but then looked over and gave the guy the finger and slammed on the gas. Jim took it more as they were hitting on us, then we got on the highway and i didn't see them after we were on route 93.

Boston is about 40 minutes from providence and we were well on our way back but with all of the nonsense that happened when we were leaving i didn't take a piss or anything and I was drinking beer so I was busting at the seams when we were in about in Attleboro area so I had Jim pull off into this weigh station so i could go. I remember him being like can't you wait but I insisted. I got out of the car and so did he. I just slipped by zipper down and was pissing when i heard a car screech up and i turned and it was the red truck.

I remember zipping up my pants and then heard the word "faggot" and a fist blindsiding me. I'd never been hit before and everything moved in slow motion. I remember seeing out the corner of my eye that a guy was also going after Jim but Jim was running. I remember another guy pulling my head back and punching me again and I fell to the ground, then being dragged back towards Jims car , then i think the other guy started pounding my face into Jim's car.

I know all I said was what the fuck over and over again. The next thing I heard was "lets get the fuck outta here" and they left. I was face down in the dirt in front of his car. I remember Jim lifting me up and throwing me in the car kind of screaming and carrying on. he looked at me and said i gotta get you to the hospital, i looked down and my white t-shirt was covered in blood from top to bottom. It is a weird feeling to be beat up, it was like being in a dream state or something. Then i remember looking at Jim and he was fine, not a scratch. I thought it was so weird.

He kept saying lets go to the hospital but i said no, take me home, take me home, take me home. He did and walked up the stairs and sat me in the bathroom and got a whole bunch of towels and peroxide and starting washing off my face, he was a nurse so in a way i was lucky, he kept saying you need stitches and that i had little pebbles lodged in my fore head. I guess I was in shock because I just didn't want to go to the hospital. In the end he said that the cuts were really small and there was just a lot of blood because it was my forehead, i guess you bleed a lot out of your head area..etc.

I never once even thought of going to the police or tell anyone other than friends what had happened. I guess i felt stupid for not realizing what was going on. I was oblivious to the fact that these guys were looking to hurt us. I've always felt lucky in a way because they could have killed me, the stop off was far enough off the road that no one would have seen unless someone else stopped.

My friend Mike , the ever suspicious one, said he thought the whole thing was planned by Jim because he never got hurt but honestly he had time to react, I was closer to the car and he went a bit down the embankment and saw what was coming. I had no time to react.

I did eventually go to the hospital two days later because my face got so swollen and my jaw would barely open. I told them that I had been mugged in downtown providence. I had an x-ray and my Jaw wasn't broken and they said they'd have to cut open the cuts to give me stitches because they already started to heal. I said no way...

I still have no idea why I never went to the police. I guess I felt that I had no description, I just remember the guy had on a plaid shirt and had brown hair, nothing else other than a red GMC truck. Jim said he couldn't describe them either. I didn't think they'd find them. It however took me a long time to go back to Boston and if I did it was with a group.

It's true I was gay bashed and never really admitted it to myself. Even though I've written this I still look at it like it was someone else. Its true what they say about traumatic events, your mind blocks the terror out of it sometimes...strange.

XO, BT

Big as a House

2009-01-16T07:55:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

Oh boy... Boy George is big as a house and going to the big house. Maybe he'll lose some weight in the slammer...

I posted about this before but I was a huge Culture Club and Boy George fan and I'm sure if you asked most people they'd say the same. His music and voice are excellent and most of the songs are fun and flirty and I feel have stood the test of time. I love listening to their greatest hits now just as much as i did then. Plus his "The crying game" is one of my favorites of all time. His voice is so silky smooth in that song, its amazing.

Its both sad and frustrating that someone this talented has thrown it all away on drugs. I've done drugs, don't get me wrong but not like him.. Plus, after seeing him around NY and hearing stories about him from friends that ran into him at clubs, etc. say he is a real asshole and very rude.

Poor thing, maybe they'll teach him manners in the klink?? In the end I think this sentence is probably more for all the crap he got away with for years with a slap on the wrist...

XO, BT

Oops I did it again!!!

2009-01-15T08:55:00.001-08:00

Hey gays,

God damn I said that I'd never do it again but wouldn't ya know that I let myself down again. I can't believe that I let myself fall into the trap again this year but hopefully it was only one time.

I watched "American Idol" last night.

I feel sick about it... It really is a piece of crap show and I'm not going to tune in again. At this point I think adding a new judge has done nothing to help the show. It really is sappy and it seems that as the years go on they are less interested in good voices but focus on the sob stories of some of the contestants. In the 1st episode they have a blind guy, a guy who's wife died a few weeks ago, a woman that is 23 has 3 kids and just lost her home in a tornado.

They play all of this up to the hilt. One guy who completely sucked pretty much begged to go to Hollywood and they said yes. They said that he was funny and had an OK voice...yikes.

The show really has become tired...

I'm not watching again....

XO, BT

Memory

2009-01-13T05:56:00.001-08:00

Hey gays,

I guess the vitamin B-12 is kicking in. It dawned on me yesterday when I was reciting a whole song I've been practicing for a performance in my head. A few months ago I was having trouble remembering my lines or even losing thought mid sentence a lot.

In the past when I would learn a song that I was going to Lip Sync I would pick it up really quickly but over the past few years I noticed a change. It seemed to take me a twice the time to just learn the words.

I have a method I use when learning a new song. I usually listen to the song 100 or so times before I even start trying to perform it. When I lip sync I also breath as the performer is breathing. I've always thought this added to the performance and made it look more realistic. I also use my neck and jaw a lot to accentuate the song giving the illusion that my vocal cords are moving as well. Sometimes when I'm done doing a Liza song I'm exhausted because I try and use my whole body.

The shows I did in 07 especially RAW after looking at the tapes I was disappointed in my Liza portion of the show. I could tell I lost focus and wasn't using my techniques, not my best.

After rehearsing the two number's I'm working on now I feel a huge difference. One song is Liza's version of "What makes a man a man" and the other is a Rockette in turmoil performing "I am what I am". The difference is that I feel a lot more no nonsense, meaning I'm not struggling with the direction of the songs or emotion, etc.

Reflecting I really think the vitamin b-12 deficiency was wreaking havoc on my emotional state because I was always feeling very uneasy and unsure as well as detached..

I never went for the shots but I started doing a high dose sub lingual that Jeff picked up and after a month or so it seems to be kicking in...

I'm just so gay about it!!

XO, BT

The "Honest" truth

2009-01-09T07:01:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

So I've been writing my "one man" piece and have gotten a little further. i have planned the show to be mostly monologues with video and voice over to tell my experiences.

As I've been writing the material it has forced me to tell some stories mainly about my mother that are things I've held close to me. In a way I feel like I'm betraying her but on the other hand she did some things i really thought were horrible. It's funny but I think that my indecision about situations like this stem from the things she chose to do as a parent.

Just to give an example my mother always treated me more like a confidant even at young age rather than a son. She would tell me personal feelings about her marriage, probably things society would deem inappropriate for a kid to hear. There are some other items as well but that's in the show, LOL.

In my heart I know my mother is mentally ill and never sought treatment, she is Bi- Polar by every definition. She'd fly into rages about how dirty her closet was and blame it on us (meaning anyone in the area at the time) and make us empty everything out and rehang and refold everything until she was satisfied it was tidy. Usually she would end up sitting in a chair weeping and asking for sympathy about something while we were in the middle of it so we'd end up feeling guilty and sorry for her.

This happened on a frequent basis which one is why I can't handle when someone raises their voice to or at me and two I think it added to my inability to pay attention to what someone is saying to me, I tend to drift off and start thinking about something else. I think over the years this has led to people thinking I'm snooty or stuck up but really it is my lack of being able to concentrate.

I guess I'm just torn about sharing because as much as I feel that my mother did horrible things that led to me having low self esteem and my own panic attacks I still feel the need to protect her or something.

In the end I've told my mother what my issues are with her over the years and she has changed a lot in the past 5 years or so. She is more loving and interested in my life and happy about my successes. She is more relaxed and less needy of our attention.

I guess I'll not let her see this show if I leave in these stories because I don't want to hurt her. The goal of this peace is to show that it is never too late to follow your heart even when people tell you you're not good enough or by a parent not listening or caring what you have to say. I don't believe in the saying "If I knew then what I know now, I'd do it all over again". I'm more of a person who thinks if I know it now then why not do it now.

I guess I'll always feel I'm my mothers keeper of secrets......

XO, BT

The New me

2009-01-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

Yes, I've been thinking of starting out fresh for 2009. I know it is a bit cliche' to say that but I think I need to. I put on a pair of jeans the other day and I swear they shrunk, they did , they really did. I then sat at the computer and had to unbutton the damn things.

I usually stay around 210- 215 but over the holiday I think I gained a few pounds.. or maybe more than a few.

I hate working out, i hate yoga, i hate running....so I was thinking what the hell can i do? I love tennis but its too expensive for inside courts so that'll have to wait til summer. Then It dawned on me that when i was thin i was out dancing every night and I would sweat my ass off, I never thought about it at the time but I was working out by dancing to the Madonna mega mix, taylor dayne and dead or alive, believe me i spun around a lot.

So why not take dance classes, that would be fun, maybe jazz. I would be getting a work out and working on my craft at the same time. The Broadway dance center has classes that are really cheap.

I think in February I'm gonna start going, maybe I'll ask someone to join with me mmmm..... Maybe dancing will trim me down a bit, I'd be happy with 200 lbs. Do i have to get Jazz shoes?..LOL

Oh, also I haven't had a drink since New Years Eve, though I'm due...lol

xo, bt

Apartment Search

2009-01-05T09:19:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

Jeff and I have been living in the same building since we moved to NYC. We got lucky when we first arrived and landed the 1st apartment at 310 east 23rd street 5c. Our landlord was a nice guy Sherman who was a producer at VH1. We had moved from a 2 bedroom apartment in Norwalk, CT to a 600 Sq. foot studio loft, what a nightmare...LOL. We had so much stuff. The boxes were literally from floor to ceiling.

We were forced over the years to unload lots of furniture and items. It really is hard to keep a small place from feeling cluttered and maddening. We spent 5 years in 5C and then had to move due to the sale of the apartment, in a way at the time I wish we had enough money to buy it...

We got lucky again when we found out that a woman we knew Jessica on the 6th floor was moving to Florida and about to rent her place. This apartment is on the opposite side of the building and faces 23rd street. It has a lot more light than 5c which was on the back side of the building, sometimes you'd feel like a bat in that place.

Well Jessica told us she has to sell the apartment but probably won't put it on the market until December. We are suppose to sign a new lease in February but she told us if we find another place after that she'll let us out of the lease. Renting in an apartment that goes on the market is a nightmare with open houses and such..we learned that from 5C, never again!

So we are thinking of stating to look in May and move in June. Apartment hunting in NY is a nightmare and I hate it!! We are thinking of breaking down and moving to a borough to save on rent to free up some cash. We may even consider moving to the Yonkers, Hudson area. There are times we've taken the train to my sisters and Bronxville looks lovely.

Goodness I know one thing I'm not looking forward to moving but in the end its probably best we get out of Manhattan. if we can find a place cheaper in Manhattan that would be great but if not we'll be training it.

If anyone in the NYC area hears of any apartments starting in February please let us know. Word of mouth is probably the best way of finding a place!

XO, BT

Gotta get writing

2009-01-03T10:16:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I'm planning on writing 3 shows this year. I haven't started but one and that is just an outline...The others are just idea's at the moment.

The end of the year was a bit slow and I wasn't motivated at all. I'm starting to get a little fired up now because I know I have to get started now...LOL.

At least I reached out to Jarad and all seems better. We had a bit of a blow out at the last burlesque show and really didn't speak since November. I miss him! In a way he's become like my brother or something. I don't have a sexual attraction to him, more like a brotherly love, he is a big goon really...LOL and too straight for his own good and he drinks way too much as i do.

That's the other thing in 2009, I'm cutting down on my drinking to just once in a while...I think I was getting a little out of control there for a few months, granted i was performing a lot and socializing a lot but Mama was feeling the bloat as the holidays approached...LOL and i tend to go overboard when i drink. I think I noticed it more in myself when i saw how Jarad drank and saw how he got, etc. i guess I saw a little of him in me.

Jarad is a really talented musician and I'm lucky to have worked with him and hope to continue. I'm going to meet with him soon to discuss projects!, etc. I put a pic of us and Jarad from 2007.

Chow chow for now...

XO, BT

Happy Freakin New Year

2009-01-01T11:40:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

Well yesterday was an experiment in terror...or should I say Traffic. We left NYC at 12:15 pm and arrived in Providence at 7PM...Yes 7 freaking hours for a drive that usually takes 3.5..Coming home today we left at 7:50am and arrived at 11:15..normal.
I honestly was expecting a 5 hour drive...but 7...yawza

Why is it when a tad of snow falls people freak out?? Honestly the weather all the way up to RI was not that bad but no one would drive over 30 MPH, I actually got off the highway and drove on route 1 most of the way.

Luckily we were going to Jeff's cousin's house any my friend Mike joined us and of course we had fun so it made the journey well worth it. We had lots of food, a little drink and lots of cheer. Jeff's cousin Tammy, who is more like his sister, has breast cancer at 36 and is going through Chemo at the moment. She is such a wonderful person and is being brave. She is an inspiration and makes me want to be a better person, I love her!! Her prognosis is very good but it is a long process and she's getting tired of the treatments but is cheerfully getting through it! Thank goodness!!

We had a blast and it was good to see Jeff's family and my friend Mike!!

I'm posting a picture from me decorating our tree..a calm moment..LOL rather than pulling what little hair I have left out of my head....

One thing I've learned about myself from yesterday was that I hate traffic!!!

XO, BT

A trip down memory lane or not

2008-12-30T06:55:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

Well it seems that no one in my family has a memory left...LOL

Jeff got me all wrapped up in Ancestry.com
He did a free trial and forgot about it so he got charged a month for it so decided to do his family tree. He was having so much fun I decided to try and do mine. His seemed to go much easier and he even found records of what ships his family were on coming to America from Liverpool...

Mine is a whole different story and grew into an obsession over the weekend...aaargh, pulling out my hair more like it. You see Jeff's family knows a lot about their grandparents and great grandparents, like maiden names, etc. My family knows nothing, to tell you the truth my father thought my grandfathers name was Joe up until the day he died only to find out his real name was Michael Joseph, he knows his grandfathers name was Jeremiah and grandmothers last name was Cooney but doesn't know her first name.

My mother knows even less, her middle name is the first name of her grandmother but she doesn't know what her maiden name was...weird...don't you think?? My other great grandparents came from Lithuania so I know I'll find nothing after them though my aunt did know my GG's maiden name....I guess I never thought about how little my family cares about where they came from, Jeff's family seems to care more or at least kept a paper trail with pictures and letters, etc.

I did find one thing that was interesting, I had a great uncle named Joe "Happy" Shea and he died young at like 23. What I found was a high school yearbook photo and caption about him. He looked just like my brother David, it was really shocking to see the resemblance but now of course I need to find out why he died so young but will my father know? probably not...aargh!!

So that was how I spent my weekend....goodness

XO, BT

"Fat Girl" is #1

2008-12-27T08:59:00.001-08:00

Hey Gays,

I posted "Fat Girl" on this site called "Ourstage.com". It is an indie music site set
up to compete with other songs , etc. in your genre.

I did well in hip hop , usually finishing in the top 100 but last month they added
a "Comedy" category and i made it to the top 20, then today I am # 1. What a hoot!

Songs are voted on by "Judging". You have to create an account and then listen to the songs and judge. its easier to judge now because only 20 songs make the quarter-finals, so there are not as many rounds and my song pops up more...LOL

If you have a little time go vote for "Fat Girl". if I win I get $100 and then a chance for 5,000 in the overall finals.

Miss Kitt!

2008-12-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

As I wrote my refection post the other day in my mind Eartha kitt flashed across my thoughts because when i was thinking about things i like about this city and she was at the top of my list.

I've had the chance to see Eartha Kitt perform several times in very intimate settings like Cafe Carlyle's, Joe's pub and the blue note and lastly at Carnegie Hall last year.

Seeing Eartha Kitt perform live was like an out of body experience for me every time. She was one of the most giving and appreciative performers I've ever seen. Honestly Jeff and I had seen her so many times that she remembered us and would nod and smile at us from the stage like she'd seen an old friend and always shook our hands and would say thanks for coming to see me. I'm sure she would do that to many people because once you saw her you would go back again and again.

She was truly special and I'm sad that I'll never see her perform live again, a selfish thought knowing she had colon cancer since 2006 and hopefully she didn't suffer but i think the love of her audience was so special and she gave it back 100%.

I know she was a "Diva" but I knew when she shook your hand and said thank you it was the most genuine gesture and I knew she meant it.

I feel like I lost an old friend today but luckily i can wrap myself up in her music any time i want, hmmmmm....

They just don't make em like Eartha kitt anymore!!

Simply the best

Reflection

2008-12-24T14:32:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

As I sit here writing and looking out the window gazing at the skyline, the empire state building dusted with fog, a glimmer of green and red light shimmers off the moonlight, I wonder, what the fuck am I doing here?

I've often wondered how I ended up living in NYC. I guess the easy answer would be that my Jeffie wanted to move here and I followed him. However is it that simple?...no probably not.

My life was not horrible in Providence, looking back I think I had a lot of fun and without having been there means there would never be Jeff and me.

To tell you the truth I'm not a huge fan of the city, I guess the hard drive of the city, like all the walking,especially when it rains, the lack of public restrooms(huge issue for a celiac),the subway, the extra fee's on everything( we have a $500 move out fee when we leave this building, what the fuck is that for?, they can't answer the question, maddening). I miss having a car and sometimes feel trapped here.

Mainly it is the "software" i.e. the people that make it livable. We have both met so many wonderful people here of all different walks of life. Rich, poor, in between, artists, lawyers, custodians, gay, bi , straight and down right crazy people. Don't get me wrong there are some major assholes here as well and we've met plenty of those and I miss my best friend Mike most of the time. Mike and i have a bond, honestly if it weren't for him buying me the "Judy at Carnegie Hall" Record from salvation army I may have never starting performing. I wish I were rich just so i could move him down here...

I guess a place is a place in the end but it is the people that cross your path that make it a home. My mother has always been very social and I admire her for that, she craves people, i do too, always have and sometimes that means I run into a lot of characters. You see I have no hang ups really, well maybe a few but as far as people go I'm always interested....

Hey look at that, as i sit here typing this I've answered my own question, it is the people I've met here, that's why the fuck I'm still here...LOL

Oh, dear I'm embarrassed, I just had a Carrie Bradshaw moment.....

The Photo is by my baby Jeff Catlow, its so gorgeous!
XO, BT

Catherine Tate Christmas

2008-12-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

I love Catherine Tate and her show "The Catherine Tate Show" on BBC

I don't like all of her characters but most of them. My favorite though is Nan. She is one of my all time favorite characters right behind Patsy and Eddie from Ab Fab.

She inspires me to work harder at my characters and watching her gives you the sense of what its like to give yourself up to another character, its so wonderful!

I think overall british television has much more interesting shows than we do...

Here is a little christmas skit of Nan...love it

"Chew The Fat" with "Sethboyardee"

2008-12-22T07:34:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

After writing my blog all of these months it came over me that I should interview
some fabulous people on this here blog. I thought it would be fun to reach out to other bloggers, artists, performers, etc. to get their take on things.

My first victim or interviewee is "Sethboyardee"

I really enjoy his blog because one he posts pictures of hot men and two he has a fighting spirit. Oh yes, one other thing... He is a bit cranky! and very honest about his emotions. This to me is something not easy to do, especially on a blog. I try to be honest in all my posts but sometimes I think about what other people may think. Sethboyardee doesn't care and I admire that!!

Here is what Sethboyardee had to say

BT
Why did you start writing your blog?

Seth

Originally, I don't think I ever intended to publish it, rather just use it as my daily journal (with the knowledge it would someday be a famous best-selling biography, of course!!). There was no real "why" - I didn't start out with a specific purpose other than to share "me" with whoever might be interested.

BT
In reading your blog you talk about not being social, has writing the blog made you more comfortable facing or seeking social situations?

Seth

Nope. I still remain extremely shy, and unwilling to "get off my butt" and go out and do anything social. In fact, I think the blog (and the Internet in general) gives people MORE excuse to stay home and remain anonymous, if you will.

BT
How do you feel about being Fat and gay?

Seth

I'm never proud of my weight. but I am also not a "bear" or one of those "let your belly hang out proudly" type guys. My self-esteem is somewhere in the gutter. Of course, in our society, anything "FAT" = "BAD". As far as being gay, of course I am very positive of that - its who I am, after all

BT
In your blog you talk about not doing "gay things". What does that mean to you?

Seth

Well, there are the stereotypical things of course. I am - and proud of - being my own unique person, and if that means I don't obsess over Desperate Housewives or Madonna, or wax parts of my body and worry about the labels on my clothes, well, so be it.

BT
You post a lot of pics of twinks, thank you for that big boy, what attracts you to twinks?

Seth

I guess deep inside, it is an "opposites attract" thing (at least on my half of the equation). Skinny, smooth, muscular, athletic, defined, young, vibrant - all twink characteristics. I'm the opposite, fat, somewhat hairy, not muscular, sedentary, round, getting older, dull.

BT
I can't find a picture of you, have you ever let a reader see a picture? or are you a modern day Gretta Garbo or Betty Paige?

Seth

Ah ah ah... you didn't do your research!!! I have a self portrait - I cheated when I shot it from an angle so it doesn't make me look quite as fat!! There IS a link or two to a picture of me, you just have to dig and find it LOL.

BT
Whats the one thing you've always wanted to do but haven't? and why?

Seth

Hmm. Too many to mention. I suppose I would say, working as a club lighting operator - something I experienced years ago, and absolutely loved.

BT
What is your favorite blog and why?

Seth

I can't think of one off the top of my head *wink* but I am still really getting "into" following a lot of blogs, so its still a sort of new thing for me.. I have begun to feel really "close" to several of the bloggers who I follow, or at least close in the sense of empathy and understanding

******************************************

I'm sure Sethboyardee likes my blog the best..LOL , just kidding...

and yes, I did find his picture on myspace....its always a pleasure to put a face to a blog. I hope he lands his biography..I'd read it!

Sethboyardee is an interesting man and I enjoy reading his blog and I'll keep reading! Hope you all find Sethboyardee too...

XO, BT

Gays Go Wild

2008-12-19T08:07:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I know you've all heard the ramblings about Obama's pick of Rick Warren for his inaugural induction but then we also here that he picked a civil rights Reverend, Rev. Joseph E. Lowery for the benediction.

Thank goodness, right....He's just playing both sides of the fence but it's all so political that when you dig down deep it just means he's no different than any other politician. Personally I think he should not have Rick Warren as part of his inauguration just because he has said some awful things and seems like a genuine asshole. I don't feel personally offended by someone like Rick Warren because I know his beliefs are twisted, I'm more offended by people that would vote for Prop 8. I just thought Barack had more sense but I guess not in this case, in this case he's catering to the masses not the minority...

I guess only time will tell and I still believe that Hillary Clinton would have made a better president because she wears nice suits and isn't afraid to down a shot of scotch in public. I'm not seeing the change yet and hopefully he will bring it and prove me wrong.

Oh, yes! I love how the HRC gets all hot and bothered about this but didn't seem to give a crap about Transgendered folks that help make up the acronym GLBT when they backed ENDA...

Oh, I just don't know anymore

XO, BT

Our Pooch Kiawah

2008-12-18T07:24:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

We have a dog named Kiawah. We got her when we were together about a year. She is 14, soon to be 15 in April. Kiawah came to us via a friend who told us her next door neighbors dog had puppies and there was one left. She also told us that the dogs were often left outside in the cold, never groomed and not taken care of that well.

She brought Kiawah over when she was 5 weeks old and she fit in my hand. I'd never had a dog before, well once before , a dog named hobo my mother got from the pound but we only had him a week before he bit me on the lip so she brought him back.. We usually had cats, and we actually had ducks and chicks once, my mother loved animals and would get these idea's of raising animals cause we had a huge backyard...weird..anyway..

Kiawah has been both a joy and a pain in the ass sometimes...I guess that's what Pets are for, right! Most of all she's been a lot of fun. She has had some interesting things happen such as the time she was lost for 5 days while we were on vacation. It's a long story but we left her with my aunt and she broke loose from the collar they had her tied to on the front porch while my aunt was getting something inside, she said she was in the kitchen for 5 minutes and when she came out Kiawah was gone. I guess the next door neighbor shot off some firecrackers, it was July 3rd. A woman found her wondering on the side of the road about a mile away from my aunts and took her in and starting calling pounds and believe it or not it all worked out and by the time we got back Kiawah was back as well....

She's also had 2 bladder surgeries and many minor health issues...now the poor thing can't hear that well, had eye issues and we think has gone a little nuts....

In the past few days she's not been herself, acting really different and when I pick her up she growls at me. I think she is in some sort of pain or discomfort. She also has thrown up a few times but she is still eating.

I guess I'm writing this because I feel that we have to start making some decisions about how she is doing. Its hard to gauge what the best thing to do for her is at this point. Honestly the vet said she was doing well and blood work was fine but I'm never one to take the word of a doctor 100% and sometimes you just get a feeling.

I've been getting that feeling more lately and its making me sad..I loves me Kiawah and I'm sad to think of being without her....but I know if she is not living well then its not fair....

Is Madonna eating?

2008-12-16T11:33:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

Goodness I saw this picture of Madonna and her daughter Lourdes
and was kind of freaked out about Madonna's appearance.

She is so thin! I know she is getting older but I think she better slow down on the Yoga and eat a little something. She's too thin here, I like the "Dick Tracey" Madonna with some meat on her bones.

Is she becoming Patsy from Ab fab? skipping meals and only having liquid lunches..wow!!

XO, BT

Movies, Movies and more Movies

2008-12-15T06:50:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

This year I have seen more movies than I have seen in years. I honestly can't remember all the one's i've seen off the top of my head.

Earlier in the year I decided to start going to the movies on sunday afternoons on my own. Jeff doesn't really like to go to the movies unless it is something he really wants to see. Jeff tends to like fantasy movies like Harry Potter and biopics he's interested in. I like em all or will at least give something a shot even if i'm not thrilled to see it. Honestly there were a few sundays when I didn't want to see anything playing but i would usually decide to go see something anyway. I saw 2 movies this weekend because "Milk" was something Jeff wanted to see so we went together on Saturday night. It was a great film, we both enjoyed it and the cast was fanatastic, a must see! Then on Sunday I went to see "Slumdog Millionaire" and that was fantastic as well, I loved it!!I loved the energy and cinematography of this film, really exciting, a must see!

Though these two movies were pleasing I have to tell you I have seen some real stinkers this year but the worst had to be "Vantage Point".I sat in amazement as I sat there being shown the same scenes shown over and over again but how it was effecting another person in the film. Honestly it is an interesting idea but it didn't work and people were actually yelling out at the screen or sighing when we realized they were doing another vantage point. It was laughable and predicatable.

The other stinkers were "Zack and Miri make a porno". This movie started out good but then seemed to forget about an ending and rushed to something that was a big snooze. The only redeeming thing I got out of this film was that Jason Mewes has a really nice cock, which they showed in the last few minutes of the movie. I walked away wishing I had a cock like that, gorgeous! I felt this movie could have been really good if the writing had been better, good concept, bad writing!

I have a few favorites and both I listed "Milk" and "Slumdog Millionaire" are at the top of my list but after thinking about everything I've seen so far this year
"Wall-e" was my favorite. I'm an old softy and I just loved the character of WAll-e, he was so sweet and gentle, this movie hit on all the things wrong with the world and all the good things, I loved it!.

Other good films were Jumper, Australia, Role Models, The Dutchess and Mamma Mia. Mamma Mia was a mixed bag, I loved the feel of the movie but it was also so cheesy and silly it made me uncomfortable..LOL

The other thing I learned about going to the movies or somehting that bothers me is that people will spend 12.50 to go see a movie but to get people to go see live entertainment for the same price is a lot harder and honestly i think there is a lot of quality live entertainment in NYC thats costs $10 that are more pleasing....but that is my opinion.

XO, BT

My Brothers Keeper

2008-12-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

FOOD IS AN ISSUE IN MY LIFE! There, I've said it! Its been an issue for a long time for my whole family.

Unfortunately its taken a horrible turn for my youngest brother Mike. He was just admitted into a program for Anorexia this week. He is 5'11 and weights 104 pounds. I guess what he is dealing with is more bulimia, he takes laxatives on a daily basis but he eats. It's gotten to the point now where he lives in constant pain and is dizzy, low blood pressure, etc. etc. this list goes on and on. He also has Celiac like myself so that has added to his whole issue with food.

There is a long back story on Mike's problems including heroin addiction and jail time but I'm not going to go into all of that.

He says the root of his problem came at the hands of a bunch of classmates that would bully him about his weight. He was a little chunky when he was in grade school but not obese. Kids can be cruel and I know that because of my gayness and lifetime of not fitting in. We also have a lot of unresolved family issues that are another root cause of all of our turmoil.

At the center of this turmoil is my mother. If I sat down and did an org chart of my family pertaining to root causes of Turmoil in my family my mother would be the CEO. Don't get me wrong, not because she is an evil or horrible person because she encourages everyone to keep secrets and deny life's pain until it all blows up in someones face. She's led an extremely chaotic and stressful life. It's almost as if she can't just relax and let herself go with her life. She feels as if she has to keep on top of everyones issues to create chaos. It's maddening!!

We all as her children have been victims of her chaos and in turn have all lived somewhat chaotic lives ourselves at one point or another.

When I was 21 I moved away for a year to South Carolina and taught myself to unload the pain and anger I had towards my parents while sunning myself on the beach everyday, I got very thin down there and I chalk that up to water loss from crying so much alone on the beach, just to clarify my father is the Darth Vadar of the family org chart and he has a lot to answer for but I'll leave that up to his after death experience because he doesn't talk on earth...LOL.

Anyway it dawned on me last night! I've talked to Mike about his issues before but always trying to be uplifting and encouraging but I think what I should have said was he needs to let go of the pain, its a simple idea but a hard thing to do. In a way it is like having a death and rebirth. I do remember the exact moment when I let go of my pain on the beach, not that I haven't had more pain or setbacks but it was the time when I said I can't let this control my life any longer and I have to focus on myself and my happiness. It was a good day!

I wonder if I said that to him he would understand? I'm not sure?

I'm at a loss on how to help him but maybe saying this will have an impact. I know one thing is he has to do this himself or he will die. Life is so cruel in these instances, where do you get the strength? I'm not sure if I remember how I did it, I just know I did and I overcame it on my own....

I'm putting a picture up of myself, my brother David and Mike. It is obvious which one is Mike because David and I don't miss a meal...Now that was me trying to joke about a horrible situation, that's how in the end I guess I cope.

XO, BT

KFC Girls

2008-12-12T05:51:00.000-08:00

Hi gays,

Okay, I probably shouldn't give these girls anymore publicity but here is another reason not to eat KFC. The first and most important reason is that KFC pretty much tortures their chickens before slaughter.

Now these girls took it upon themselves to bathe at work in the sink...How Tacky!
I'm sure its the same sink they wash the chicken in too...Those girls probably got salmonella...LOL

The Pictures are what is so funny. These girls are a wreck. This is a WTF post.

XO, BT

"Chew the Fat" Series

2008-12-10T06:02:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

It's weird, I started out doing this blog thinking it would focus on body issue's and a place for plump and fabulous gays to vent their frustrations. I do have some readers I know are dying to come forward but they haven't yet. I have had some other blogs like Fatngay and Sethboyardee and Gay Power Living post me on their site which is really great and I appreciate it so much!

Anyway I thought I would have more comments or bears contacting me..LOL...but I'm really not so I've decided to go to them. I have an idea of doing a series called "Chew the Fat". I'm going to reach out to artists, musician's,writers, poets and of course bloggers and interview them for this blog. I think it will be fun! Stay tuned or if you are reading maybe you will be my first interview for "Chew the Fat".

XO, BT

Calling in Gay

2008-12-09T07:18:00.001-08:00

Hey Gays,

I just read this article about "Calling in Gay" on wednesday to protest Prop 8. The funny thing was I had thought of taking tomorrow off just for the hell of it.

In a way I think it is a good idea especially asking if you do take the day off that you should volunteer. It is an interesting concept and grass roots, you know I love Grass roots initiatives. Though of course the established organizations do not think it is in our best interest...How do you know unless you try I say...

So kids "Call in Gay"....

XO, BT

Pal Joey

2008-12-08T05:59:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

This past week was very busy, indeed! We were going to see shows almost every night!
It's not something that we usually do all the time because its rather expensive when you take into consideration our rent, etc.....Its hard to pay to see a Broadway show when you live in NYC...it really is...

Anyway, this past week we saw Nellie McKay, Liza Minnelli, my friend Howlin Vics show and yesterday Pal Joey

I wasn't suppose to see Pal Joey, my Jeff was going with a friend who shall remain nameless because I thought what this person did was a little crappy, well a lot crappy. Jeff and said person got tickets to see this show a month or so ago but at like 1:15(show is at 2) told him that they had people visiting from out of town and they were running late for brunch and asked if I wanted to go in their place. I felt bad for Jeff and didn't want him to go alone so I went. I'm actually a little perturbed with this said friend...brunch running late so now Broadway show is not an excuse to cancel something in my book. Being ill or a work matter is one thing but saying I'd rather stay at brunch and cancel with you is just lame....This is a perfect example that sometimes having friends can be a real let down and a pain in the ass...

Pal Joey was good, Martha Plimpton was fantastic, she has a really interesting voice and Stockard Channing was really good, she is a great actress, very subtle and polished, her voice is passable(I'm afraid the critics will bash her voice) but her version of Betwitched, bothered and bewildered was very touching. The lead guy was cute, he replaced the star who hurt his foot, Matthew Risch is his name,good singer and dancer . Overall I 'd recommend checking it out and the costumes were fabulous...

All of this activity...and now its cold as ice outside. I want to hibernate...

XO, BT

OH! Boy

2008-12-05T06:09:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

Boy George is a mess! I'm sorry but as one fat gay to another, Boy you are a mess!

It saddens me that this great talent has left all of his talent out in the trash for
jail time.

I was a huge fan of culture club back in the day and the impact that he had on society I think is overlooked. A drag queen having a #1 hit....in the US....in the
80's....

We all know the stories so I don't have to go over it all but the last one is a hoot. He handcuffed a call boy and beat him with a chain..Oh dear, I mean I know he's a bit chunky but really he could probably have anyone he wanted don't you think?
Money talks for the gays, so what if they have to move a roll out of the way to suck it...they'll get dinner I'm sure...

Now, Now, I know, I know I'm being bad, ladies go for the money too and there are many gays , including myself, that are in loving relationships and money's got nothing to do with it...but there have been times I thought why in the hell didn't I look for a sugar daddy when i was younger and thinner...I should have been a bottom...really.

Anyway back to Boy George. What a voice he has and I get so mad when I see these people doing such stupid things when they have everything at their disposal. I know money can't buy you happiness but can't talent? I think so! What ever happened to the old saying "Everything in moderation"? Though I guess when you have everything you may want you may search for even more and that more could lead to criminal activity....

OH! Boy...

XO, BT

Liza was Wow! za

2008-12-04T12:38:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

I went to see Liza Last night and gays let me tell you she was just amazing.

I've seen her perform 8 times from New York to London but last night was the best and her star shined so bright last night.

It amazes me how much love one person can get wrapped around them from an audience. Liza is so talented and she puts every ounce of her body into her performances which just makes you want to hug her. In return you get that feeling of love back and her desire to please you is so genuine, not put on at all. I just admire her so much as a performer!

The highlight for me was her rendition of Judy's "Palace Medley". The arrangement was amazing and her voice hit a clarity and strength. I kind of got the feeling that Judy was there for a brief moment with her hand on Liza's shoulder. I cried like Cher in "Moonstruck" at the opera, but no fuss so was the older gentleman next to me and we turned to each other wiping the tears from our cheeks and we smiled thinking Who the hell cares...

I'm glad the reviews have been positive and I've linked one here. To me Liza is a living legend and has nothing to prove other than she can still put on a great show. The voice may not be perfect but Liza is so much more than a singer, she is an experience.

If you are in NYC spend the 55 bucks and get a balcony seat..you'll be glad you did!!

XO, BT

Men and make-up

2008-12-03T08:35:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I'm 40, yes I'm 40 and I'm thinking I need a touch up, I'd love a brow lift and the fat sucked out of my cheeks for that sunken in look.

These are just thoughts but for some reason they've been popping up a lot more..The other day I was thinking What about make-up? I mean I wear it for drag but why not a little powder and contouring on the cheeks and neckline...Is that really too gay? Then again who in the hell cares...why should women be the only ones allowed to experiment with make-up, really?

It made me think of my friends back in Rhode Island, these boys I hung out with when I was 20, they would always put on powder before going out and I remember thinking how silly and never joined in but now at 40 I'm thinking why the hell not...

I think I'm going to buy some of that mineral powder by Lumen's and give it a try and see , you know give it the old Boy George try...

Gays, i think I 'll try it tonight for the Liza concert...yawza.

I'm putting up a couple of pics, one in drag with full make-up and honestly this was not a great make-up night for old MargOH! but I'm standing next to the gorgeous Legs Malone and her outfit is very XMAS isn't it and then one of me in the park,looking , well 40 ... blah.

Make- up it is!!

XO, BT

OH Nellie!

2008-12-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I have a busy week of gay...LOL. last night we went to our friends B-day party , the lovely and leggy Legs Malone. We had a lovely time. I love her apartment in Brooklyn, very eclectic and charming and she is a fabulous host!.

Tonight we are going to see my favorite singer/songwriter Nellie Mckay. I just love Nellie and her zany way of looking at life. She is a treasure. Go get her damn Cd's already.She is not as appreciated in her time as she should be but I know that in years to come she'll be one they say was spectacular...cause she is!!

And talk about a gay week..We're off to see Liza on Broadway on Wednesday night. It's opening night so I'm sure there will be some celebrity buzz. This is the 8Th time now I've seen Liza and I'm sure it'll be great. She just has such great performance energy and lifts the spirits. Lets hope her voice is holding up for the old gal!!

Should be a fun couple of days and very very gay...LOL

XO, BT

Rosie Live

2008-12-01T06:47:00.000-08:00

hey gays,

So I was somewhat excited at the prospect of the "Rosie Live" show.

I'm not really sure why? maybe it was because i loved the idea of bringing back the variety show format, like the Ed Sullivan show or Laugh In. These were all pleasing shows and usually showcased both established and up and coming performers.

Well anyway I went out for drinks at our local happy hour and wanted to make sure i got back on time but as things go we were running late because one friend was late so my Jeff actually ran home early so he could set the DVR...it was full so we weren't able to record it before we left...yes we DVR a lot of stuff and then watch it in one night or two...we're crazy..

After watching the show I had an empty feeling as if to say...WTF. Then I felt bad that Jeff ran all the way home to record this show... I was really disappointed. I like Rosie and I thought she would do a great job with this but in the end she , to me, seemed really out of sorts or there was not enough rehearsal. That's what I believe, she was a little rusty and didn't rehearse enough. I know it was a live show and has to have some sort of spontaneity but even the staging was weird and the odd little unfunny cameos by Clay Aiken and Kathy Griffin missed the spot. I would have to shift the blame to the writers here..bad choices(Seth Rudsetsky)mmmm,do not like him, what about Bruce valanch...he's a master at one liners and slapstick, maybe no one was available.....

I'd rather see kathy Griffin do her own comedy, thank you and see Harry Connick sing a full song.....

I read the NY times review and agreed with their take on it. I do feel Rosie should have grabbed the feel and material of the past for at least the first episode and maybe even have on some former variety show performers, like Goldie Hawn, Cher, The mandrel sisters, Dolly Parton, Joan Rivers, Bette Midler, Captain and Tenille, Hee haw. Not that all those shows, people were great but at least they'd have given it that old feeling and then mix in the new people...

Liza was good and they did well together, though I think Rosie missed a line, maybe a little more slapstick banter between them would have been good. Liza is a great comedian...felt she was a little under utilized.

Well now that I got that off my chest....I do really like Rosie and think she is fun. Maybe she should try a sitcom about all of her feuds or one about living on Long Island....

XO, BT

Another Reason not to go to WalMart

2008-11-28T11:41:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

I just read this on the web about a temp worker being trampled to death this morning by crazy shoppers pushing into WALMART for black Friday.

This is another case for what I've said before "The world has gone mad". It is absolutely unbelievable to me that people would break the hinges off the doors to get into walmart for Holiday shopping.

The marketing machine of retail really have made it seem that if you don't shop on black Friday the world will end. Guess what it won't but in this case some one's life did??????? What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also read about a woman who dragged her son on Wednesday to Best buy and pitched a tent so they'd be the first in line for today's sales. That poor kid....How sad are these stories.

Santa must really be scratching his head and wondering where it all went wrong.

XO, BT

How did I miss Chris Evans

2008-11-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I went to see that movie Street Kings earlier in the year and remembering that i thought one of the cops was really cute, he got shot, I even was thinking he was sexier than my boy keanu...wink, wink.

I kind of forgot about him until I saw a preview from a movie he is going to be in next year. I'm thinking he is the next big thing, the next Brad Pitt or something. He has a boy next door look about him and now i see from this pic a very nice body...yikes.

XO, BT

How did I miss Chris Evans...I'm a bad gay

Coming Around Again

2008-11-22T10:12:00.001-08:00

hey gays,

so after all my tests the docs have found nothing specific. The positive is that
I don't have crohns disease or colitis but they can't figure out what it is.

He did prescribe me an anti spasm medication which is suppose to help my spastic bath rooming. Oh how fun I get to talk about my messy gastro system. It sometimes seems to take over my life, I hate that.

I'm glad the holidays are coming, something to take my mind off my health.....

I'm also going to start writing my next show though I haven't got the head for it at the moment. I need something to spark me...I will start though and i must have it done by December 15, that's my goal...I can do it!! write a one hour show in less than a month...mmmmmi don't know...LOL

Ok gays i'll be back with some fat things...LOL

XO, BT

A Hot Tri-Athlete

2008-11-15T11:06:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

I found this photo on Flickr taken during a Triathalon in England.

A perfect example that bigger people can be athletic and not look bad in a speedo...

XO, BT

Go Connecticut Go!!!!

2008-11-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

When one door closes another opens!

Chalk one up for my home state of Connecticut.
I've never been a huge fan of Connecticut even though I grew up there. It's more of
a feeling i had growing up that i didn't fit in there or in my community. Personally i think there are a lot of bad vibes in Connecticut...something about Indian burial grounds and history.....very spooky place

Well anyway I'm happy to report that gay marriage has started in Connecticut

Go gays!! and Go Connecticut!!

XO, BT

Message to Obama

2008-11-10T08:07:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

The Guardian UK did a photo campaign on Flickr which was called "Messages to Obama" so my hubby took a wonderful photo of us and our message and it was chosen as a favorite by the guardian.

Jeff is an excellent photographer and he has taken some really gorgeous shots over the years including ones of my character, etc.

I'm so pleased he got some recognition for this photo, i love it! We've been together for 15 years and we were able to marry, we hope everyone will get to have their turn and for it to be a right for everyone

XO, BT

Fat-ee Gay Featured on Best Gay Blogs

2008-11-07T14:51:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

Fat-ee Gay was featured on Best Gay Blogs for my "You Damn Fat people in Alabama" Post.

Well thats a good thing as Martha would say!!! and very exciting for this fat gay!

XO, BT

Having Paul Rudd Fantasy Day

2008-11-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

Hey gays,

I've been thinking about Paul Rudd today, my #1 gay crush. I just want to kiss him and throw him to the bed and do all sorts of dirty and bad things to him...

XO, BT

Interesting article on Prop 8

2008-11-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays,

I got married in Provincetown over 3 years ago and I'm really sad that this measure
Prop 8 was passed by the state of California.

I guess after reading this article I understand what this couple is saying. As a community we seem to sell everything in a Glamorous fashion by using celebrity, etc.

I think it would be important to show loving couples sharing their stories in commercials and ads because sometimes if people see real stories that can connect them the fear may turn to understanding.

Listen, I know the opposition was selling fear and posing it as what your children may learn, etc. which is ridiculous but we have to put ourselves out there rather than throwing a celebrity endorsement thinking people will change their minds...it doesn't work in my opinion.

Personally after so many years of not sharing everything about my life with my family got me no where. Once I opened up and shared my gay life with them, most have come around and treat Jeff and I like any other couple. My republican sister even has introduced jeff as my husband at times....

Also Obama does not support gay Marriage so people voting for him may have voted for the measure. I'm sure that added to uphill fight.

As I said in my last article we will overcome as many others have before us but unfortunately it doesn't happen overnight.

These fights have to be grass roots though, maybe its time we change the strategy and share the stories of long term GLBT couples and let people see how we live and share the stories. I'll be the first in line that's for sure!!

XO, BT

Say it's So Joe

2008-11-05T07:15:00.000-08:00

hey gays,

Well what an exciting evening! I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The fact is that I'm so relieved we get to say goodbye to George W. Bush and his clan of misfits including John McCain.

I think it is a good time to be a little different for the first time in a while and finally the country woke up and elected someone who See's the world differently. I look at Barack Obama as a person with such a varied background that he understands inherently the plight of many people. He seems to understand that the world is not only about the United States but about the struggles of all people and he understands that there is a need for everyone to come together.

Though it is not a given that this will happen I feel at least there is hope now to try and start. I couldn't help but to get chills and cry as i looked at the faces of the African American people and how much hope they must have in their hearts now. It's actually a little hard to grasp the achievement and understand how much will change. Though I was a Hilary Clinton supporter and also longed for the first woman president this outcome is just as exciting and the endless possibilities it holds for so many people is staggering.

The Obama family seem as genuine as they come and the love they have for each other is so evident and comforting. I've even been won over by Joe Biden, he really seems like a nice person with good intentions and hope for our future.

After Obama's speech all I could think of was Sarah Palin asking Mr. Biden if she could call him Joe at the beginning of their debate and of course he said yes. The interesting point about this to me is that she asked in order to be able to bring him down by saying things like, "There you go again, Joe" or "Say it ain't so Joe". This showed right off the bat that this person was not your average hockey mom or even humbled. It showed me that she was willing to take advantage of someones kindness in order to further herself....

So today when I woke up I just laughed to myself thinking "Say it's so Joe" and it is!!

Lets make sure that this country is a better place for everyone starting today and even though as our GLBT community Struggle's will continue I think I have a little more comfort knowing that minorities do actually have a say and that everyones time will come if you stick with whatever your cause may be and believe in yourself.

XO, BT

Gay Life Expo

2008-11-03T08:17:00.000-08:00

Hey Gays

I'll be performing at the Gay Life Expo on November 16, 4:30PM at the Jacob Javits center.

There are some really great performers in the line up so you can get there earlier and check out the expo and the entertainment.

The cool thing is that I get unlimited free passes so here is the link you can print out free coupon and come support Fateegay and MargOH!

Free Coupon

XO, BT

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T07:19:00.001-07:00

Hey Gays,

Happy Halloween. I was looking at my friends blog Dannation and he has this funny pic posted.

I do love Halloween and back in the day back in Providence my friend Michael and I hosted a yearly Halloween open house either together or when Jeff and I got together we continued the tradition. I think we had them like 7 years in a row. They were usually a lot of fun. We'd have them from 7-11 then go out to a club that was having a costume contest, etc. I still think the first one we had was the best, it was filled with high drama and antics. In those days I was sleeping around so you know what happens when you get a lot of boys that you are doing at a party at the same time...Of course I was in drag so I didn't care..and I actually ended up boinking someone new that night..LOL. He spun me around the dance floor like ginger Rodgers that night, we had fun!

He was actually a boy I liked and wanted to continue seeing him but he had just broken up with his boyfriend and got back together with him, shortly after that night. The funny thing is years later I slept with this other guy I met who worked at the blockbuster store i went to, he had a huge cock, Italian guy. Anyway it turns out he was the guy from Halloween's boyfriend and they were still together at the time. I can't remember how I linked the 2 together, i think I saw them at the bar together or something.

Well I think you'll get two things from this post, one is that I love Halloween and two I was a really big slut...LOL

Oh, the memories....

XO, BT

My New TV Crush

2008-10-29T06:35:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

OK, so I've been watching Amazing Race for many seasons, I think I didn't watch one year after my hubby and I sent in a tape and application and never heard anything, how dare they!! Then I found out that they really cast people in this show and very rarely choose people from tapes, etc.

Any who, this season isn't that great as far as the teams go and most of the underdog type teams are eliminated, I like the underdogs usually, big surprise.
There is one team though that I like, the mom and son team. I think her name is Debbie but who cares about her, its her son Dallas that is the main attraction. He is a bit growing up Gotti for me but hot none the less and he seems like a nice enough guy.

Yesterday my hubby sent me this photo of Dallas he found on another blog. Good lord almighty Mary I'm in love...take a look at the pic and you'll understand...LOL. I'm pretty sure its him....amen

Please, fat people can be size queens as well...LOL

XO, BT

You Damn Fat people in Alabama

2008-10-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

I think the world has gone mad..I really do.

In August Alabama stated they wanted to tax their state employee's $25 a month if
they were considered obese.

The whole thing is going to happen starting in January 2009. This is ridiculous. I think i fall into that category by a hair...but I do not go to the doctors any more than a thin person for being fat. I do go to the doctor for my gastro issues but that has nothing to do with my weight.

Is this open discrimination, I think so. This article states that it is requiring the employee's to get screened making it seem that its getting the screening that is the issue or prompt for the fee.

I think this is a big fat joke. If you go to work and are able to perform your duties then it should be up to no one to charge you for your weight. To be honest I work with a lot of overweight people and they are here no less than women with children who often call in saying my kids are sick or I have to take them to an appointment, etc. I'm getting a bit off track but please read article and decide for yourselves.

Again, I think the world has gone mad...oh yes, it's not fat people that are making health care costs soar, it is the fat establishment with no rules and regulations that causes it...

XO, BT

A Poem: Will they know?

2008-10-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

Will they know?

Will they know I’m quite funny?
I’ve reached out to them before
Articles in ink, show them the money
It’s me standing here beyond the door

Will they know I’m quite funny?
Doors Open, closing, hitting me in the face
Articles in ink, talking of some young bunny
Funny I’m not old; I can keep this pace

Will they know I’m quite funny?
It’s all a bit academic, the who’s who I wonder
Articles in ink shatter the glass ceiling with thunder
Shards of glass upon me, heading for cover

Will they know I’m quite funny?
I thought it was up to the eye of the beholder
Articles in ink, they think they’re quite clever
Will they know I’m quite funny, maybe never?

By

BT Shea

A little Trip

2008-10-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

So sorry for my lack of posts. I know you've been biting your nails waiting for the next one....LOL

Any who, now that the craziness of my show is over I have to sit down and start writing new material for upcoming performances. It never ends....but I guess its good to keep busy and to keep plugging away.

A couple weekends ago we went on a little road trip with our best gays Jeff and Glenn. My Jeff and I had to go to a wedding of Jeff's cousin so Jeff and Glenn had asked us previously if we wanted to go on a weekend trip to Newport. Guess what? The Wedding was in Newport so they gave us a ride up there and we had a lovely time.

The wedding was pleasant and quick, though I must say I had a little too much booze and not enough to eat and was like hugging everyone and crying about silly things...I'm telling you there is something about drinking wine during the day...yawza..

The following day we had an interesting breakfast at the hotel we were staying in..the ultra ritzy "Holiday Inn Express" in Swansea Massachusetts..it was a tad Nascar to say the least but it was a place to sleep. We made our way back to Newport and spent the day at the mansions, we toured The Breakers and Rose cliff. The breakers was really cool and the opulence of the Vanderbilt's is something I need to aspire too..LOL. I think I need to sex up Anderson Cooper or better yet may Gloria Vanderbilt herself..well I could wear a blindfold for the latter...that's terrible. Rose cliff has a much more sorted history with several different owners, etc. They film many movies there and have weddings, i guess you can call it the whore of the mansions... It's funny I lived in Rhode Island for 13 years and I hardly ever went to Newport...It is a lovely place.

In the evening we met up with my friend Michael for dessert and coffee and headed out for some wild Providence nightlife...mmmmm there really was none to be had, it was a Sunday but it was Columbus day weekend so I figured there'd be a little activity but not really, sad. Providence used to be a great place to go out for a gay bar hop, not sure what happened or is it I'm getting old...Could be!

We had a lovely time and here are some pics. If you ever get a chance to visit Newport go for it, it has a lot to offer.

I'll be back

2008-10-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

Sorry for the lack of posts. I have been traveling and now getting ready for show on Thursday. I'm busy.

Just to give an update I'm performing at the Gay Life expo so I'll be getting unlimited free passes so if you want to go let me know November 15th or 16th. I'll give you passes the day I'm performing so you can cheer me on!!

I'll post on Friday about my lovely trip to newport and other thangs....LOL

XO, BT

Mystery illness update

2008-10-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

So I had my colonoscopy, how fun. The actual procedure is fine but the night before
really stinks..You have to drink 4 liters of this vile tasting mixture, an 8 oz glass every 10 minutes, yeah , right. I got to about 3 liters and i starting hurling it back up. They really need a better system for doing this....

Anyway, I've been told I'm baffling because though I have something going on in my
system they can't figure out what it is. I'm now suppose to go for another round of bloodwork for specialty testing....for auto-immune diseases, he still hasn't ruled out Crohn's disease but also suspects pernicious anemia which is similiar to celiac but your body is unable to process and absorb vitamin b-12........

All of this is getting a little tiring and i know the b-12 deficiency is effecting me, i'm forgetful and cloudy...more like i can't remember names of someone I'm trying to speak of or about...its' weird. I also have to go for a neat test where I swallow a camera in the form of a pill and a recording pack gets attached to your back and it takes pictures....very interesting....

What can I say I'm a freak. The one thing i don't understand is why I'm not thin....I should be....it's my life's curse!!!

Cheers, Thanks a lot

XO, BT

Gavin and Stacey

2008-10-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

i've been watching this funny show on BBC America "Gavin and Stacey". I love this show and on one episode there was a scene between the lead and his chunky friend.

They were talking about a a gay guy and his boyfriend and one said If I were gay I'd like to be with him and the chunky friend said yeah, me too. Gavin, then said, Oh, no mate, you'd have to lose weight cause the gays ostracize fat guys. I loved this and had never heard it on TV before...I put a you tube link to it, maybe the clip is on there.

I like this show so check it out!! It seems I like British TV in favor of the major US networks, go figure.

I am little upset that the US version of Little Britain is on HBO, we don't have it, hopefully they'll have it on i-tunes or something...

XO, BT

Finally, Good Lord Almighty

2008-10-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

I was so Happy after watching the VP Debate last night and I have to say my view on Joe Biden drastically changed. The reason why is because he challenged Palin's use of the word "Maverick" over and over again. I have been so sick of hearing McCain and her use that word. I mean usually other people describe someone else as a "Maverick", it's not a word a humble person would use to describe themsleves, is it? but McCain calls himself that....it's fucked up.

I was so happy to hear him call her on that and she shut up about it afterwards, Loved it. Of course none of the commentary gave him credit for it...figures... here is the transcript in case you didn't see it.

PALIN: People aren't looking for more of the same. They are looking for change. And John McCain has been the consummate maverick in the Senate over all these years.

He's taken shots left and right from the other party and from within his own party, because he's had to take on his own party when the time was right, when he recognized it was time to put partisanship aside and just do what was right for the American people. That's what I've done as governor, also, take on my own party, when I had to, and work with both sides of the aisle, in my cabinet, appointing those who would serve regardless of party, Democrats, independents, Republicans, whatever it took to get the job done.

Also, John McCain's maverick position that he's in, that's really prompt up to and indicated by the supporters that he has. Look at Lieberman, and Giuliani, and Romney, and Lingle, and all of us who come from such a diverse background of -- of policy and of partisanship, all coming together at this time, recognizing he is the man that we need to leave -- lead in these next four years, because these are tumultuous times.

We have got to win the wars. We have got to get our economy back on track. We have got to not allow the greed and corruption on Wall Street anymore.

And we have not got to allow the partisanship that has really been entrenched in Washington, D.C., no matter who's been in charge. When the Republicans were in charge, I didn't see a lot of progress there, either. When the Democrats, either, though, this last go- around for the last two years.

Change is coming. And John McCain is the leader of that reform.

IFILL: Senator...

BIDEN: I'll be very brief. Can I respond to that?

Look, the maverick -- let's talk about the maverick John McCain is. And, again, I love him. He's been a maverick on some issues, but he has been no maverick on the things that matter to people's lives.

He voted four out of five times for George Bush's budget, which put us a half a trillion dollars in debt this year and over $3 trillion in debt since he's got there.

He has not been a maverick in providing health care for people. He has voted against -- he voted including another 3.6 million children in coverage of the existing health care plan, when he voted in the United States Senate.

He's not been a maverick when it comes to education. He has not supported tax cuts and significant changes for people being able to send their kids to college.

He's not been a maverick on the war. He's not been a maverick on virtually anything that genuinely affects the things that people really talk about around their kitchen table.

Can we send -- can we get Mom's MRI? Can we send Mary back to school next semester? We can't -- we can't make it. How are we going to heat the -- heat the house this winter?

He voted against even providing for what they call LIHEAP, for assistance to people, with oil prices going through the roof in the winter.

So maverick he is not on the important, critical issues that affect people at that kitchen table.

The other thing is how dare she use the word "Tolerate"(like to put up with) when speaking of Gay people like she is superior to us. I don't know what gay friends she has but they must be really self hating to be her buddy....really...I think the proper word would be "acceptance"(like ok with). She is a fool, i just feel there is negative energy when people use the word tolerate, hate it! See How Biden uses the word support, its much more positive.

BIDEN: Absolutely. Do I support granting same-sex benefits? Absolutely positively. Look, in an Obama-Biden administration, there will be absolutely no distinction from a constitutional standpoint or a legal standpoint between a same-sex and a heterosexual couple.

The fact of the matter is that under the Constitution we should be granted -- same-sex couples should be able to have visitation rights in the hospitals, joint ownership of property, life insurance policies, et cetera. That's only fair.

It's what the Constitution calls for. And so we do support it. We do support making sure that committed couples in a same-sex marriage are guaranteed the same constitutional benefits as it relates to their property rights, their rights of visitation, their rights to insurance, their rights of ownership as heterosexual couples do.
IFILL: Governor, would you support expanding that beyond Alaska to the rest of the nation?

PALIN: Well, not if it goes closer and closer towards redefining the traditional definition of marriage between one man and one woman. And unfortunately that's sometimes where those steps lead.

But I also want to clarify, if there's any kind of suggestion at all from my answer that I would be anything but tolerant of adults in America choosing their partners, choosing relationships that they deem best for themselves, you know, I am tolerant and I have a very diverse family and group of friends and even within that group you would see some who may not agree with me on this issue, some very dear friends who don't agree with me on this issue.

But in that tolerance also, no one would ever propose, not in a McCain-Palin administration, to do anything to prohibit, say, visitations in a hospital or contracts being signed, negotiated between parties.

But I will tell Americans straight up that I don't support defining marriage as anything but between one man and one woman, and I think through nuances we can go round and round about what that actually means.

But I'm being as straight up with Americans as I can in my non- support for anything but a traditional definition of marriage.

IFILL: Let's try to avoid nuance, Senator. Do you support gay marriage?

BIDEN: No. Barack Obama nor I support redefining from a civil side what constitutes marriage. We do not support that. That is basically the decision to be able to be able to be left to faiths and people who practice their faiths the determination what you call it.

The bottom line though is, and I'm glad to hear the governor, I take her at her word, obviously, that she think there should be no civil rights distinction, none whatsoever, between a committed gay couple and a committed heterosexual couple. If that's the case, we really don't have a difference.

IFILL: Is that what your said?

PALIN: Your question to him was whether he supported gay marriage and my answer is the same as his and it is that I do not.

If people cannot see through her charade then the American people are actually idiots and commentators should stop saying "American's are smarter than that".

XO, BT

A bad night

2008-10-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

hey gays,

last night I did a last minute performance, well I knew about on Friday and I planned on singing the new song i 've been rehearsing "Hard hearted Hannah". It was weird , I didn't feel right last night, like I wasn't in character or something.

This performance was solely to promote the October 16th show. I think the issue that was nagging at me but didn't realize until after I performed is that most burlesque shows are geared towards a straight audience. The last time I performed at this event the crowd was more mixed but last night there were a lot of straight guys and gals and winning people over in 2 minutes with a comedy bit doesn't always work and last night I bombed.

I hate that, not that I bombed, but that i was there to promote and bombing and promoting doesn't mix well.I did the song ok but after i felt i should have done a more drag lip synch #, something the crowd would expect from a drag queen, you know..

In the end it's all just to be in peoples faces so that's good and i did hand out cards and promote the show so whatever but MargOH! hates not making a crowd go wild..aaargh!! Maybe if I do this show again I'm going to do something from "Dream girls"...LOL

XO, BT

Clay Aiken...Gay...Can we send him back?

2008-09-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

Oh, what a big surprise that Clay Aiken is gay. I can't believe it!! I'm stunned!! I'm just a twitter!!! No, not really...

Can we give him back to the straights? As gays shouldn't we have the right to say who gets in the club after denying their gayness for so many years, like it was a bad thing.....

Of course I'm joking but really is this any big surprise? The first time I saw him on AI I was like he's a big Mo....and to think that poor Kathy Griffin was lambasted by other AI competitors for saying so that season. The poor thing was almost attacked at one of his concerts by the Claymates.

I haven't read the people magazine article but I'm sure he didn't want to come out because his image wouldn't allow it, he had to make sure he made enough money that when he did come out it didn't matter. I usually like the artists that come out first and try and make it on who they are, rather than what the mainstream wants for their celebs images. Its all really sad to me.

Well anyway, welcome to the club Clay and I'm sure you'll soon find a place on LOGO or on the advocate cover every other month about your gay life....how fun!

Oh! just one more thing, Clay is coming back to Broadway, isn't it funny how Simon Cowell tells many of the singers on AI that they are too cabaret or Broadway when almost all of them end up in a Broadway show.....even ones that get kicked off for showing their tits like Frenchie Davis, it's too funny...

XO, BT

Paul Newman RIP

2008-09-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

I heard of Paul Newman's passing and had a bit of sadness about it. I guess it was because I remember liking Butch Cassidy and the sundance kid

Then this morning I saw a piece about him but it more centered on his marriage to Joanne Woodward. The piece was well done and I actually cried a bit when they were showing pictures of the two of them. They all had Paul looking at Joanne always with a lot of love in his eyes. Though he was a striking looking man, he seemed always to be humble. I don't know much about him , really but I guess when I saw the pictures it was interesting to see how someones love can actually be seen through the eyes and how wonderful that Joanne was the recipient of that much love...It's really interesting to me, the eyes I guess...

XO, BT

One of the faces of Greed

2008-09-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

We all know whats going on with the economy! It's the same as always...Republicans get into office and cut the wealthy people's taxes in hopes that by pumping them with more money that they'll know how to invest it and spend it in order for the excess wealth to trickle down to the middle class and the poor....mmmmm Reagan started it and it didn't work then, Bush made it even more of a platform to dive into and guess what it still doesn't work. Plus, why is it they trust rich white people to do the right thing??? They usually don't, they usually pump themselves full of cash and then run for the hills when things get bad and let someone else deal with it.....

The problem is that everything has become so tied into the stock market that there really is not much hope for unsavy people or those who don't have the know how on where to even begin to play.

I bet things were a lot better when companies were private and people that owned them were ok with just having enough, it wasn't always about how much more can I get...that mentality is killing this country and the world.

As I watch all of this Crisis unfold in front of my eyes there is one sector I feel that has been going unscathed, by that, I mean right now it's the banks and the sub prime lenders getting all the blame and of course they should take the brunt of it.

It is the Real Estate companies ethics that no one ever questions. It's weird, they are the ones people depend on to try and get them a good deal, correct, no I don't think so because a realtor only goes by what the "market" says by doing research and they usually are the ones who determine the final price to sell a home. The thing is Realtors work on commission so they want the houses they sell to go for the most they can because that means more money in their pocket. To me it's a really crooked racket. I found this quote by a realtor giving their opinion about who sets a sale price

My job as a Realtor is to help buyers and sellers understand market value by providing competent research of our local market. I am good at what I do, but I don’t control the market, I only interpret it.
Someone once said, “The market may not be kind, but it is never wrong.”

In other words, your home is worth not what I think it is, nor what you think it is, but only what the market says it is.

So this means, really, that a realtor sets the price by "market", not what they "feel" it is worth. That is a load of crap. They want to inflate prices to make more money don't they? Honestly, the apartment I live in was bought in 1998 for 80K an now the "market" says it can be sold for 499K....that is outrageous to me. This really is why people can't buy a home. I think that a home should be something that we live in, not necessarily something we expect to make a fortune on.

This gets to my point. It kills me when I see Barbara Corcoran on shows giving advice about what is going on with the market and all of a sudden saying you can't play the housing market, you should be buying a home to live in and as a long term investment. In my eyes she's one of the problems. Company's like hers are the ones that have inflated the "market" to where it's hard for an average person to buy a home in NYC especially. The main reason I think this is because as a real estate company they used the whole angle of investment to make cash, IE. flipping. You know buying a cheaper home, throwing in a granite counter top and selling it for twice than it was worth but now she's changed her tune. That's the criminal element to this crisis and she was laughing all the way to the bank...it just amazes me that no one ever questions real estate companies and their practices. It seems they place themselves as a third party with no responsibilities for the prices they set for homes.

I'm no economic genius but I feel someone should say something about it. I never hear anything about those companies. I for one can't stand the sight of Barbara Corcoran and wouldn't follow her advice.

XO, BT

The Next Big Step

2008-09-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

Well, I feel yesterday was a big day for me and my performing.

I mentioned in the past that I've been working on a new project called
"For the Love of Judy". It is my story and struggles with coming to terms
with who I am as a person and choices I made in my life to where I am now. In a
broad over view I will transform myself on stage into Judy garland, the person who I feel originally gave me my voice as a performer, she was my catalyst, the one
who inspired me to take a chance on performance.

Yesterday, I asked someone to direct this show. This is a big step for me. In the past I have written, performed, produced and directed myself with the help of course with my hubby Jeff. He does a lot more for my performances then he'll take credit for believe me and I am so thankful for what he has given me. I just felt I needed a new voice in my work, someone who will be honest and critical.

The weird thing is the woman I asked is someone I don't know that well. I saw her host a show once and she was really funny, she does this Liza impersonation that is really out there, though masterful. We spoke to her briefly after the show and I just loved her voice and the way she spoke. Then again we saw her at a show and approached her and chatted. We were talking about work and her new show and for some reason I stood there and stared at her and thought.

This is the woman I want to direct this show. It was a gut instinct and I knew i wanted a woman to direct me, I felt this show needed a woman to guide it. This fabulous woman's stage name is Howlin Vic and she is a performance artist, writer and teacher. She is interesting and dark. I love to know people that are a little dark, it fascinates me. We met yesterday and discussed the project and she accepted the challenge and was really excited about it.

Victoria acknowledged that she had directed in college and now focuses more on teaching performance art and burlesque. I think she'll be perfect for this show plus with her having such a connection with Liza and Judy add even more relevance to the project.

I'm really excited about having someone I can learn from and challenge me as a performer. It'll also be a process of letting go of what my idea of MargOH! is and expand to possibilities.

This is a big step for me.....

XO, BT

Feeling Helpless

2008-09-22T10:03:00.001-07:00

Hey Gays,

I feel fat right now, that's for sure, I'm now 218 pounds, for my height I should weight like 170-180. There are people who would say I'm not fat. I try every day to be positive about myself and most days I succeed but today there are factors bigger than me contributing to my helplessness.

I'm feeling a little down about it at the moment. I would like to be fitter I guess because my cholesterol is high. The thing is I don't eat horribly for meals but it's the snacking that is the issue. I'm a chip-a-holic. Just to give you an example, though there were reasons behind it after I left our friends last week I ate a whole bag of Blue Cheese/Buffalo hot Doritos's. I can't control myself and as I sit here writing this I just laughed.....it's crazy.

I just never had the mindset to work out. I feel I'm trapped by my own laziness or motivation to do it. I wish I could get back to the place in 1997-98 when I was on the Atkins diet and was so focused on it that I went from 215 to 185 and kept it off for like 2 years, I was just more active at that time.

I'm just feeling blah about it today I guess. I wish, I wish , I wish.

The other thing that is on my mind is my youngest brother who over the years has had many issues including heroine addiction, a 2 year stint in prison and now Anorexia. Yes, this fat ass has a family member who at the moment he is my height and weights 105 pounds. He is skinny!

I'm really worried, though I know at this point, there is not much anyone can do besides himself. He needs to realize he is killing himself. I did tell him that he looked thin and that he should try to gain a little weight. I said he should try and see if he can maintain is weight at like 120 pounds. I know this is still thin but i was trying to make it seem like he'd still be thin but wouldn't have to focus on health issue's. I just don't know.

I do know one thing and that my mother is in semi-denial. He also has celiac like me and she is thinking the pain in his stomach and constipation is from the Celiac but its not. It is in relation to Anorexia. He did start going to a nutritionist and she has him drinking protein drinks and things like ensure and she also recommended a person who deals with eating disorders so I think Wednesday he is going to that person.

He has gotten over many things including the heroine,prison, Hepatitis C but I don't know about this, I don't know if he can beat this. This is the root cause of his issues, he says. He was chunky in grade school and a bunch of girls would make fun of him and ridicule him, he said that was the reason he started doing drugs but now food deprivation is his latest fix.

I just feel helpless.

If anyone reading has any knowledge of Anorexia or how to talk to a person dealing with it please let me know. I'd like to help or give guidance.

XO, BT

The O'Neal Fawcetts

2008-09-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

I know you've probably all heard about the drug bust of Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond. Of course, the whole family has had issues including Tatum, who I just saw on Oprah. I don't know what it is but I have always liked Tatum even though she can be really fucked up. I guess it is the whole identifying with my childhood, I love "The bad news bears" and "Little darlings", it's a good feeling connection. I also think she is really pretty. I still think she is attractive even though she looks harder than in the past...go figure.

Now getting to looks which is why I wrote this entry. You know Ryan was hot when he was younger and Farrah Fawcett was just gorgeous but somehow the son is like, yuk! A red head? I do like red heads, not a jab at them but I would think the offspring of these two would be gorgeous but he's not attractive at all. He's a bit scary looking actually. I guess he looks more like Ryan but like Ryan looks now. Just very strange to me

Shutter....

XO, BT

Is Biden to be replaced?

2008-09-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

Hey gays,

My hubby Jeff sent me this article about the democratic party pressuring Obama to dump Biden and replace him with Hillary.

I wonder if this is true? I honestly thought that Biden was a poor choice for Obama, it was, to me, going away from his message of radical change and thats why Mccain picked this nutjob Sarah Palin. It's all Crazy. I'm already tired of this election but thankfully its almost over.

Check out the Article! Any thoughts gays?

XO, BT

Friends , Family and good food

2008-09-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

Had a fabulous weekend! It's so great when you have friends and family to be able to do things with and feel comfortable.

On Saturday we headed up to visit our friends Jeff and Glenn. Jeff put together a fabulous meal for us, Tapas to be more specific, everything was great and just perfect, I especially loved the Chorizo dish with potato's, just tasty. We brought wine and dessert and the dessert was really good, we got little cakes from Black Hound. When Glenn picked us up from the train and brought us back to the apartment and opened up the trunk to pull out a case of wine...we had brought 2 bottles, he knows us so well..LOL.

We had a great time chatting about issues and laying the gay on the table, meaning , just talking about our lives and struggles as well as fun times. The thing is we are all a little different. My Jeff is a little headstrong and very blunt, Glenn is gentle but extremely intelligent and observant, Glenn's Jeff is an artist of the talk, and I mean that in a good way, he's so articulate and dramatic in tone, I love his voice and how his words flow and then there is me, then there is me, I think I always try and bring a little comic relief to everything.

We always have great talks and sometimes we don't always agree on everything but we usually understand each other's points of view. I didn't bring the camera so I didn't take any pics but believe me we were laughing, crying and enjoying our night and the drink added to the fun. We are planning a trip to Newport, RI next month so that should be fun!

On Sunday I had planned on going to my Aunts house in Connecticut to keep a family tradition alive.

You see when I was young my Grandmother, Sophie, was always bottling things. She always had a huge garden and every summer she would pickle everything she could get her hands on, LOL. She would also make hot peppers that would knock your socks off. The one thing that she made though that I loved was something called "Chili Sauce". Today it would be considered Salsa.

As a kid it would always be a big event to help make Chili Sauce and Nana would only do it once every few years because she'd make a huge amount that would last for 2-3 years. The other thing is she said you could only make it towards the end of the summer or early fall because you needed really ripe tomato's to do it.

In 2003 my Aunt used the last jar of Chili Sauce that was made in 1997 and my Nana died in 2001 so no one has been there to make Chili Sauce....sad. While on vacation in Florida I talked to my Aunt and we decided to carry on the tradition and make it in September and we did.

It made me really happy because I haven't felt close to my Nana lately and felt I needed to be close again. The really fun thing was that Nana only wrote down the ingredients for everything she would make but not the amounts so making chili sauce and have it taste like she made it is the challenge. It takes all day plus the night before to prep the tomato's...

So my Aunt Karen, my mother Barbara, My Father Joe, My sister Kim and my Niece Heather got together to try and replicate my grand mother Sophie's recipe.

Here are some pictures and we did it while drinking wine....of course... And yes
that's my father wearing the cut off T, it doesn't matter how old he gets , he still thinks he's a stud..insane.

After it is bottled and steamed shut you have to let it sit for a week before tasting. My Aunt said she had a little left over that didn't get bottled and she said it was really spicy but tasted pretty close to Sophie's...I can't wait to taste it, it'll be like going to Nana's house again!

XO, BT

Broadway world Press Release

2008-09-15T12:37:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

Fatee made it in Broadway world.com I usually just get a posting for old MargOH! but they actually gave me a news flash today about my upcoming show.

I don't know but I feel a change coming, momentum or something...maybe my forties will be fabulous...yikes, I mean thirties...I'm actually 29...LOL

Check it out!

XO, BT

I'm Electioned OuT

2008-09-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

Had a great weekend, Friends, family, good food and fun!

I took a whole bunch of pics but haven't uploaded yet so I'll tell the tale of my weekend tomorrow.

Any who, the other major thing going on in every one's lives is this damn election. I'm tired already, even before the first debate and you want to know why....

I think I'm tired of the political process being mixed with celebrity, not meaning that politicians mingle with celebrities but that the media forces politicians to become celebrities. The reason I started to think this was the other day when I was checking out at the supermarket and "People" magazine had the the McCain Clan on the cover. I know this has been going on for a while but it used to be that political crap was covered by magazine's like Time, Newsweek and of course Newspapers.

People really is a celeb magazine. This just shows how politics has become a circus. I don't want to see people who are suppose to be working for us on the same pages as J-Lo. It just doesn't seem right to me.

At this point I'm afraid John McCain is going to win so I decided to think he is going to win so if he in fact does I'll be able to handle it. To be honest this is in fear of me running into the street crying, sobbing and getting hit by a car. As a New Yorker I feel helpless because It really depends on what the independent and republican and even Palin lovin white folk democratic freaks in the Midwest decide..

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahm, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahm, aaaaaaaaaaaaahm...I'm now chanting for the relief of my stress... ; )

XO, BT

Gay Life Expo

2008-09-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

I got some exciting news. I was booked to perform at the Gay Life Expo in NYC.

The funny thing is that I have sent in a press kit in past years and never heard anything back. This time I emailed and sent and electronic press kit and in a few hours they offered me a spot....Go figure! They usually say sending in a formal press kit is more effective...

The expo is always a fun way to meet people and mingle. I've been twice and usually they have very good entertainment, etc.

This event is sponsored by HX which is fabulous because now I can be more visible for print in the future...Does this mean I will have more gays coming to my show's. I hope so!!

XO, BT

Interesting "Fat" Gene Articlle

2008-09-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

I found this snippet about people of European descent having a "Fat" Gene

I'm sure some people are genetically bound to carry more fat. I see it all in my family. I have 2 siblings that are thin, one that is average, but he was an athlete and worked out all the time and my youngest brother also has the same struggles with weight that I do.

It seems to me that it's obvious there are links. My mother was always thinner in her younger days and my father was too but he gained a lot of weight and my fathers father was huge. I would always think I was cursed with my father's side's weight problem.

Now my hair of course is almost all gone, LOL but my father has thick curly wavy hair and my mothers hair is very thin...who knows.

I love how the article states exercise will help...LOL. I love that! Do we not hear that everyday!

XO, BT

The Urban Beach

2008-09-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

On Sunday I had to go to my piano man's place out in Rockaway Park, Queens. I of course being a manhattan dweller shuttered at the notion of a 1.5 hour train ride out there, yikes. Who in the hell would want to live out there....

The trip was probably like 2 hours each way from door to door. I had never been down there before but I have to say that the beach is enormous and the boardwalk is really nice. it reminded me of the coast of connecticut, where I grew up. I was really shocked at the amount of beach and then I was told it was the largest Urban beach in the world.

There are so many things to do the NYC area and honestly you only get to do and see a portion of it. I think next summer we'll have to go down for the day for some beach fun and hang out.

Here are a couple of pics from the boardwalk, really nice

Who knew??

XO, BT

Hard hearted Hanna

2008-09-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

Hey Gays,

We were suppose to go have a lovely dinner with friends tonight but the MTA system can't handle anything when it rains. They already put out a warning for service disruptions before we have a drop of rain...

I hate that! Our friends do live in upper Manhattan so it's like a 45 minute subway ride and some of it is above ground so i guess if you have 50 mile an hour winds that could pose a problem. I was looking forward to a good time though after the workweek so I guess I better run out and get some booze.

I think we'll do mojito's. Is there really anything else to do during a huge rainstorm in NYC but drink...I hate when it rains here, its so messy to get around. It's 2pm and no rain yet so Hanna better not be a bust, damn her! I want to sheets of rain..LOL

Ok, so then let me tell you about what happened on Thursday. I was supposed to get vitamin b 12 shots per my gastro doctors recommendation. He told me to call my primary care doctor to set them up so I called them (Callen Lorde)and set them up. Now i asked them if i needed a script or something because gastro guy didn't give me one. They said no, you just some in for the shot.

So I go on Thursday and am brought back by one of the nurses named Will and when I get in the room , he said "Do you have it", i said "have what?"he then said "the b-12, we don't have that on hand , usually you pick up at pharmacy and then we just inject it". I of course was like "Oh, my doc said to just come here" and got up and kind of huffed out of the room and he tried to apologize and I said don;t worry my dr. is an idiot. So then I went to the gastro guy to ask for a script to get the b-12and then reset the appointment for shot. They tell me that my primary needs to prescribe it and have it on hand and they give me a script to the primary to set up an appointment to have them get me B-12.

This whole thing is a mess and it just proves to me that the medical community has become more and more chaotic. Nothing is easy anymore and I think it is because of Insurance companies, they have all these doctors dumbed down, not sure what they can and cannot do, it's very odd. The patient is the only on who suffers and at this point I just want to forget about it. I'm going to call my primary doctor again and try and figure out what to do, though this seemed like this would be a no brainer..

The funny thing was this morning it dawned on me after listening to Sirius that the nurse who I was dealing with at Callen Lorde was Will Wikle. I guess he's in that movie another gay sequel and one of the actors mentioned he is still a nurse by day in NY..It must have been him but he shaved most of his hair off but now that I think about it, it was Will Wikle from LOGO travel show. Oh, dear I gave Will Wikle attitude...yikes!! LOL. if I go back will he stick me harder...

I do have to figure this out or this fat gay will go crazy...I need my shots!!

This is me tired of it all

XO, BT